Hey Twin can I ask you for some advice? So my mother has a "fat talk" problem where she tends to point out whenever I'm "getting a little heavy". Now, I am actually a really fit person (If I do say so myself), and I personally see no reason for me to exercise or eat less when I am being perfectly healthy. I have talked to her a dozen times about how she shouldn't talk like that because it can lead to eating disorders but she doesn't stop...
(Sorry I had to split this in two). For example, when I’m on my period, my stomach will bulge just a tiny bit (It’s not even noticeable when I’m wearing clothes), but she feels the need to point it out, and hint at trying to “cut it down”. I find this frustrating because no matter how many times I try to explain (using different methods), she just forgets and continues to make comments like that. What should I do? I am very confident w/ my body but it still bugs me because I know it hurts others
I can sense that, even though you noted that this upsets you not because you’re hurt by it but because it hurts others, that you are hurt by this regardless. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be hurt by being told they need to lose weight regardless of how in shape they are.
Therefore, it may be better to approach this by telling your mom that what she’s saying hurts your feelings. Make it personal, because it is. And every time she brings it up again bring up that it hurts you. And be specific: “every time you say that I’m “getting a little heavy”” it really hurts me.”
You may also want to question your mother on what she eats and what she does. Children more often than not learn their eating and exercising habits from their parents. Instead of this being a unilateral issue make it bilateral: ok mom, let’s both look at our eating habits. Let’s both exercise more together. This is especially easy to do with eating, though, because it means making healthier dinners that you eat as a family. If she doesn’t want to practice what she preaches then her criticisms are null. And if she takes on this challenge then you’re both the healthier for it. No matter how in shape you are healthy eating and light exercise are good for you, not specifically for weight loss but for heart health, emotional well-being stamina etc.
Note on that though: Eating less does not mean eating healthier!
I used AquaColour grey for the foundation then Ben Nye Graystone for the black contouring :) it was really hard to get the makeup on even though (it was very blotchy though that may not be as evident in photos as in person XD), so I think I’d go about a different method next time.
and I am floored. It seems like just yesterday that we were celebrating 50 000, then 80 000. 100 000 is larger than the population of a number of countries (I LOOKED IT UP XD) I can’t believe that your folks have stuck with us and our silly little videos. We’ve been doing what we love for 6 years now and putting it on camera, I never thought that doing that would make us one of the most subscribed to cosplay Youtube channels out there.
The support we’ve received over the years has been astounding, and I can’t thank every single one of you enough for being interested in our cosplays, our videos and our lives. We’re not amazing. We’re not the best. We’re just a bunch of wacky people who love the hobby and the creative/social experiences that it brings. Looking back from where we started I can retrospectively see that we’ve all come so far, and I feel that our videos reflect not just a growth in our cosplay/video work, but also our growth as people.
I’ve gotten to meet so many wonderful cosplayers from around the world, and I continue to meet cosplayers every day. I learn something new from everyone I meet, wether they’re new to the hobby or a veteran. Everyone has a wealth of knowledge to offer and everyone’s work and contributions are valuable. Don’t ever feel that you are lesser or greater than another based a Youtube page or a Facebook like page. We are not defined by the numbers that register in our follower counts.
Thank you all so much. I’ll never be able to repay the support you’ve given us. And I’ll never stopped being flabbergasted by the fact that people even give a shit what we put up on the Internet at all. You’re all amazing :)
Expect some big projects coming up in celebration!! ;D
Hey! Any advice on how to clear your head? I have a lot going on that sort of makes it really stressful and hard to think clearly on things, especially when it has to do with me and my identity. Any advice?
I usually do some form of activity. Working out, running… my favourite thing to do for head-clearing, though, is to go for a walk in nature. it sounds corny, maybe, but I’ve been doing it since I was a kid and it’s really therapeutic in my opinion. Going to parks and walking there or even taking a walk in a city or suburb area does the same sort of trick :) Just listening to the sounds around you, smelling the smells… really wonderful feeling :)
I'm having a hard time being ftm. I can't even try to find out who I am because my family doesn't know and I have siblings going to the same school, live at home. They would possibly disown me if I pushed the issue. I basically have no support and I'm thinking about just ending it. Your videos make me happy, that I one day can not be such a spineless of a person... I'm much too unconfident.
Confidence comes with support, I’m able to express my confidence because of my support network and my environment. You’re not spineless or unconfident because that’s a trait of your personality, that’s a trait of your environment which sounds rather unsupportive.
Find any safe place where you can be yourself: this might be (as I said in a previous reply) taking walks in the woods or it might be going to a LGBTQ/anti-oppressive youth group or space. There might be a LGBTQ youth group and/or a trans youth group in your area that would be a safe space for you to go and be yourself, get support etc. I know that at many trans youth groups many of the youth live “double lives” so to speak because they can’t be themselves in any other place in their lives. You’re certainly not alone in your struggle, and I bet that there are resources you can access that could provide a haven for you without putting you at risk of losing your housing/financial support etc.
It’s so SO tough to have to hide yourself and put on an act at home. It shouldn’t have to be that way. However though that may be an insurmountable obstacle for the moment, there are ways of coping with that and finding spaces where you can be yourself.
If you’re comfortable message me back and I can help you find some resources around your area :)
I'm a pre anything ftm and am finding it hard to make myself and my body look more masculine. I have a binder which does the job on my upper half but I have big hips and my butt sticks out, is there any way I can make them look smaller/straighter? Also, my shoulders aren't as broad as I'd like, any advice on how to broaden them?
Hello there! Weightlifting and fitness training can help to re-proportion the body to some extent. It’s a commitment though, and results take time to accumulate.
CLothing can help with affecting the shape of your figure. Wearing baggier/bulkier shirts or layered shirts (t-shirt with a button-up overtop) can help to make your upper half look broader, hide some of the hip and butt curve etc. Blazers are also really good at extending the shoulders a bit :)
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help! Best of luck to you :)
A year or so ago, I came out as a transman to my friends and family and well.... They were all uncomfortable and didn't approve. All the courage and strength it took me to tell them came shattering down. It's gotten to the point that I can't even wear boy clothes without being afraid what people think, and now I've even started to question if I AM serious about it. I wear girl clothes and I like them, I still feel as if I am a boy, and it's really confusing and I want some advice please....
Hello there. The attitudes of others can influence how we feel about ourselves, and that is part of the struggle with identity for trans and cis people alike. What’s paramount is what makes you feel comfortable. Disregarding all outside influences, if you were relaxing alone in a safe place, who is that person? Maybe that person isn’t male or female, which is fine too because there’s more than just female and male out there in the gender-verse. Look at other gender labels such as genderqueer, genderfluid, androgynous etc. as perhaps one of those may feel comfortable for you. But otherwise keep in mind that you aren’t signing up for the army here. You don’t have to know, and you might not be in a place where you can know your gender identity right now and that’s OK.
If at all possible try to find a safe place to explore your gender and be that self that you are when you’re relaxing. That “neutral” you who isn’t trying to impress anyone or play to anyone’s expectations. For me I was this person as a kid when I would go for hikes/wanders in the woods. For others this might be going to a LGBTQ youth group or another anti-oppressive space (I can help you find such a space if you wish :) ).
for anon: something that helped me be less nervous in the few days leading up to my surgery was preparing for post surgery things. like for example i moved a bunch of things off high shelves so i wouldnt have to reach up for them and i made a list of movies to watch since i knew i would probably be bored and just did little things like that. the morning of my surgery a couple of friends called me which helped me keep calm and i listened to music until i had to stop. also, remember to breathe.
To that anon!!!! LUCAS YOU FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Make sure you have someone that will meet you or take you home from the hospital that is reliable. Also be sure they understand how the medication works and how often you should be taking it (I think you get three kinds??) Have them line it out for you with times on it so you can take it on your own if you're going to be alone at some point after the surgery and you're at home. Make sure someone stays with you while you're recovering!!
OMG YES VERY IMPORTANT! And Ree would know since she’s done this for me XD
Hey, Lucas! So, I'm going to be making a top surgery date fairly soon with a wonderful surgeon, but the thing that's been crossing my mind a lot is the surgery itself. I'm excited for it, naturally, but the idea of being put under/cut terrifies me beyond belief. I've never had surgery before, I've rarely ever needed to go to the hospital as it is. How do you cope with the fear of surgery, especially when the reality of it is drawing close? Were you scared too?
Surgery is a serious thing, there’s no way around that. Even small procedures carry a risk. However, modern medicine is miraculous in that it’s structured for precision and to make the patient as comfortable as possible.
Prepping for the surgery will be the scariest part. Getting on the table and getting the anaesthetic hooked up is all build up that will get your heart pounding. They’ll ask you to count down from 10, and you may get to 7… and then you’ll open your eyes and it’ll all be over and you’ll be in recovery. There will be a dull ache. You will feel groggy and confused and maybe a little nauseous. However it’ll be over and done with.
People get surgery every day. Chances are your surgeon does this surgery every week. It’s totally new to you but it’s routine for them. You’re in good, capable hands :) It’s ok to be scared. Take some deep breaths if you’re feeling overwhelmed/anxious and close your eyes if the visuals are upsetting. Let the nurses/staff know how you’re feeling and ask for help if you need it, that’s what they’re there for!
Best of luck ^_^ and yes, I was scared too. I’ve had 3 surgeries and I’ve been scared all 3 times!
I think it's great how you answer questions in such a well-thought out and helpful manner, whether the topic is cosplay or sexuality related. You always seem to have a positive attitude and I can tell you are a kind/caring person. Other people should strive to be like you. Hope you had a great day!
Thank you so very much! :) I try to put consideration into my replies so I’m happy to hear that my posts come across that way. Thank you again for all of these amazing compliments, Anon. I hope you have an awesome day too!
you are literally the most wonderful person ever i want to send you cookies and love and jesus i hope you have like the the happiest life a person can have and i hope you and nova are happy forever alkjflkajflkja; you literally make the world such a better place for so many people i don't think you realize how much of a valued human being you are
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! So many huge compliments here, WOW! Thank you! I’m not deserving of such praise though! I’m nothing special, there are a billion other people in my shoes doing similar things and probably doing them better. I’m just making my own little tiny contribution to the grand scheme of things, and in our own ways we all do that! ^_^
Hey Lucas! how have you dealt with acne flare ups on T? (if youve had any) my acne is terrible
I current use a product called Exposed Skincare (you can only order it online) and I’ve been using it since I had my major acne flare up BS a few years ago. It’s worked really well for me, though it’s a little pricey.
((I’m sorry if I used your submit wrongly, but I couldn’t fit this thing in an ask and I really wanted you to have the entire uncut version. Hope you forgive me (: ))
Hey Lucas. First of all, I want to apologize for having not written you sooner, I grow fairly shy when having to approach people myself and well it sometimes make me postpone things into eternity.
I never really followed any of the things you do and my knowledge about it was limited to what I heard from friends following your different work. My first encounter with you was at Alcon last year where you hosted panels alongside Parlé Productions and I remember walking out from these, feeling completely flabbergasted by the sheer amount of energy and happiness you displayed. I simply could not wipe the grin off my face after each panel I watched, and I just wanted to compliment and applaud you for having such an engaging, inspiring and likable personality that made me – a total stranger – smile and laugh. I still look back at those panels with great joy and it really strikes me how your presence managed to blow me away like that, even though I practically had no clue who you were. And well, this became an awful lot longer than I intended, but really I just wanted to say: Keep it up, man. Keep making people feel great and inspire them.
Many thanks and the best wishes
Tina - Kurv3n
Hello Tina! Thank you so much for the letter! I’m like you in the sense that I postpone things for an eternity too XD I can put off a phone call for DAYS because talking on the phone makes me nervous haha. I’m SUPER honoured and excited to hear that, from an objective standpoint of watching one of our panels have no clue who I was, you still enjoyed yourself. To me that’s a really big compliment, the ultimate one in terms of performance, really XD Thank you so much! I really appreciate the compliments and thanks so much for writing to me/coming to our panel at Alcon and giving us a shot!
What happens to the old members of fightingsdreamerspro? I haven't seem them in videos and I was wondering what's been happening.
Some have moved to Finland (Kenshiro and kolibri) others have full-time work, careers, jobs… it’s life, you know? Cosplay isn’t a job and we make videos and do shoots when we can/want to, no one in FDP is forced to do anything and we make videos/do shoots with lots of our friends. it’s all really who’s interested/available. :)
I plan on cosplaying Kristoff soon and Im kind of stuck on how to make his boots. So i wanted to ask; How did you make Kristoffs boots??
It’s sort of like making big socks XD You lay out your foot/leg on it’s side on paper and trace out the shape. Make sure that at the tip of your toe you extend the shape up into a point since he had pointed boots. Next add about 4cm of room around the tracing to account for the fact that you don’t want this boot to be skin tight!. Cut out your dark green fabric according to these patterns. Next you’ll need two strips of a lighter green fabric. Tehse should be cut so that they will be long enough to span from the top of your boots to the tip of the toe. One side of the strip should descend into a point (cause again, pointy toe. Now get your fur. Cut strips of that and pin them between the front curve of the boot pattern (dark green) and one of your light green strips. You will be sewing three things together and it should be lined up so that the tip of your dark green fabric and your light green fabric line up. Do this again on the other side of the boot and two more times on the other boot.
Now try on your boot and see how they fit. Is the green front strip too wide? Are they too loose? if so seam rip/trim it down/and then re-sew it. Once you’re satisfied sew the underside of the dark green fabric together. Next add fur trim to the top of the boots and then sew the back side of the dark green fabric together!
Best of luck! Sorry if I doesn’t make sense but via type it’s a little cumbersome to explain ^^;
I have this wig that has a really stubborn left side. It won't flatten or straighten out no matter what I try. I really don't want to buy a new wig because I don't have the money & I like the overall look of the wig (nothing is wrong with it except for the left side). I've tried just about everything & was wondering if you had any suggestions on what I can do about this. Thank you!
This may be a very under-whelming suggesting but perhaps try hair pinning it down? I can’t be sure of what the wig looks like/what you need it to do so that’s the best suggestion I’m afraid I can see without seeing the wig. Sorry I can’t be of more help!
Lucas, if you could reply and help that would be perfect! :) So, I'm worried about my friend. He recently came out as transgender within the last year and I've noticed how little he eats. His girlfriend and I are both really supportive of his transition, but he tells us about how he only gets his period three times a year and how he only weighs 97 pounds :( He's about 5'2, and I'm scared. How do I bring it up to him that he's not eating enough without offending him? He said he doesn't want ----
——To get any bigger than he is because he wouldn’t be able to pass as well. His girlfriend got him a binder, I’m just scared for his health. What do I do?
Hello Anon. Eating Disorder related issues are often hard to address with friends and loved ones, primarily because some of the ways we’d think to approach the issue may actually re-inforce it in the person. It is by no means an easy issue, and I’m posting here an adapted list of ways to apprach talking to a person about eating disorders that may help you. I can identify with your trepidation around the subject as my cousin has struggled with anorexia for many years now.
Focus on feelings and relationships, not on weight and food. Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about the person’s eating behavior. Explain that you think these things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional help.
Tell them you are concerned about their health, but respect their privacy. Eating disorders are often a cry for help, and the individual will appreciate knowing that you are concerned.
Do not comment on how they look. The person is already too aware of their body. Even if you are trying to compliment them, comments about weight or appearance only reinforce their obsession with body image and weight.
Make sure you do not convey any fat prejudice, or reinforce their desire to be thin. If they say they feel fat or want to lose weight, don’t say “You’re not fat.” Instead, suggest they explore their fears about being fat, and what they think they can achieve by being thin.
Avoid power struggles about eating. Do not demand that they change. Do not criticize their eating habits. People with eating disorders are trying to be in control. They don’t feel in control of their life. Trying to trick or force them to eat can make things worse. Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt on the person regarding their actions or attitudes. Do not use accusatory “you” statements like, “You just need to eat.” Or, “You are acting irresponsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements. For example: “I’m concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch.” Or, “It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.”
Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, “If you’d just stop, then everything would be fine!”
Adapted from: National Eating Disorder Information Center and National Eating Disorders Association