I went home for the first time since I came out to my parents as being trans. I’ve been in contact with my dad via text and email, and his behavoir toward me hasn’t changed. But that’s how he always is, objective and down to business. Even if it bothered him, he wouldn’t let it show. My mom on the other hand… well… she’s been obviously upset by the whole situation. She has every right to be, but all the same I was very nervous to face her today.
I walked in the door and called upstairs. “Hello?”. After repeating this my mother replied with “what is it?” A strange response… I continued upstairs and said hello again at the door to the kitchen. My mom answered “Cameron, what is it???” And then she turned around. My mom had heard my voice and mistaken me for my little brother. I guess I really do sound similar to him now. I gave her a hug, and she seemed more or less in shock. I then sat down, and proceeded to make the most awkward small talk of my life. I was so uncomfortable in my own house in front of my own mother that I didn’t even take off my jacket or put down my bag. My mother returned the sentiment, and she stayed standing at the kitchen counter, at least 3 meters away from me at all times.
Then she said “You aren’t staying all day are you?” My mother was insinuating that she didn’t want me around, so I complied. “No, I’m just picking up my tuition cheque.”
Thank god my brother came in and we all talked. His presence is really the only thing that made that 40 minute visit bearable. I was referred to as “she” and by my real name constantly, but i didn’t speak up about it. It seemed so alien to me, and although it hurt, I dreaded doing anything about it and brining up my transition.
My little brother drove me home. “That was awkward.” I said once we got into the car. he calmly reminded me “Mom just needs some time.” I told him that I was going by Kai, and he nodded. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to that, so sorry if I mess up.” He joked. I also told him that I’m engaged, and he congratulated me. At least, out of all my family members, I have one with whom I can be open with. I only hope that, in time, the rest of my family can follow my brother’s example and accept me for who I am.
Not a great visit. However, I have a renewed gratitude for the fact that my family hasn’t locked me out of their lives and house, and of course, for my brother. I could be in a far worse situation, and I am thankful for that.
“Give it some time.”
I think I’m going to buy myself a digital camera tomorrow. JUST so I can turn this into a photoblog! But seriously, it’d be nice to have one. Just realized that I really don’t have any non-cosplay photos. Time to remedy that shit. Making memories people!