Um, I'm the incredibly awkward/creepy girl that came up to you at Tsukino-con and opened with "I LIKE YOUR CHEST." I wanted to explain that uh, that's not really what I planned to say. I had this whole little thing planned that basically was that you're super amazing, and in the four or so years that I've been following you I've learned so much! I think that you're a very inspirational person, and you deserve a lot of good things coming your way.
I apologize if I came off as creepy, I'm really shy and I've been working up the nerve to come talk to you for years.
I hope your health takes a turn for the better! I look foward to seeing more from you!
Forever a creeper,
I’m never creeped out!!! Why do people always assume that they’re awkward or creepy??? I go to cons mostly for this reason, to meet new people!!! Don’t be shy! I’m just as awkward as you when it comes to approaching people. Sometimes my speech impediment kicks in and I just spit and garble at people… now THAT is awkward XD
Thank you very much for coming to talk to me at Tsukino and I hope that we can meet again soon!
Hey Lucas, First off i wanted to ask you how i can cosplay as guys without a binder got any tricks? I really want to do roxas and sauske but i have female things in the way >_<. And congrats on everything!! Your such an inspiration! It's just cause binders cost like alot.
There are alternative methods to binding. Tight sports bras are a good one (not too tight, make sure you;re comfortable!), also back-braces worn backwards for bigger chested girls. One of my good friends uses this backwards back-brace method. She’s DDD and it binds her pretty darn well!
Lucas, what should I do if I want to go to the pool/beach, but I'm wearing a binder? I really don't want to wear a girls swimsuit but I don't know what else to do...
Thanks again, you've really helped me a lot by watching your experiences being an FtM
Hello Swimming Anon!
Have you looked into wetsuit shirts for men? http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/3155KBTX2KL.jpg This is something like what I used. You bind underneath.
I've been following you for a REALLY long while now but I was never brave enough to actually write you. That actually sounded like I'm stalking you, well, I do. Just to warn you ;)
It's just that I have a question, did you have any problems with finding a gender therapist? I'm from Germany and there is no therapist especially for my type of, well, case. The therapist I went to told me he couldn't help me at all and he wouldn't know anyone who could and I just don't know what to do anymore. It's really hard to go on living like this, when you don't know anyone who could help you and my dysphoria is getting intense. I don't even know why I'm writing this to you, it's just that I really look up to you and all the news about your transition and your chest makes me really happy and I simply need to know that someone understands me. I don't want to get your mood down as well, sorry if I did!
Hello! And thank you kindly :)
I found one after some searching:
Dr Fekecs Boeblinger Str. 24 Stuttgart (0049) 711 640 59 44
I don’t know if you live even remotely close to where this therapist is. But if not do not give up hope! Try going to your GP (general practitioner, family doctor or something of the sort) and asking about this. There are a number of doctors who are qualified to do a hormone readiness assessment.
Oh wow, this is really awkward for me. ;;
I was one of the members of the GSA that you met today at PMSS (the awkward one that couldn't talk! xD) and I just wanted to thank you personally for coming out to speak with our little group. It was great learning experiance for all of us and I know for a fact that it gave useful information to one of our members who is doing some serious thinking about their gender identity.
Any whom, yeah, that was all I wanted to say but couldn't at the time. I'm not a very good speaker and to be honest, I was a bit star-struck meeting someone I've admired in person. xD
I’m glad that you found what I had to say useful, I was very nervous XD I think I may know the person you’re talking about, they approached me after about binders? I hope that they can find a place where they’re happy with their gender identity. If they want/need to talk out anything, transition related or not, please let them know that they can contact me about anything (I can provide an email address if they don’t have DA/Youtube/Tumblr etc.).
I’m glad that you introduced yourself to me :) and you weren’t awkward in the least! Hope to see you again soon.
Hey Lucas, recently I've been looking for guys clothing but because of my female body I'm having trouble fitting into some of the cloths, the cloths are too big, mostly shorts. Do you know where I can find some cloths for 'petite' teen males?
Good question. I suggest you shop around. I’ve found that Bluenotes jeans fit us petite guys well. American Eagle and Urban Planet aren’t bad either. It’s hard to fit men’s clothing at first, I used to have a helluva time. But now that my body has changed thanks to exercise and T, my clothing fits perfectly.
Well hello there (:
I've been following you for a while (gosh that sounds terrible O.O) and I have been wanting to write something in your ask but I honestly just didn't know what to say. So I think I'll just start with my name.
You see during my recent therapy sessions, that I have because of my gender dysphoria, my therapist asked for me to talk about people I look up to. Well you, as well as others who don't matter in this post, came to mind. I used to REALLY hardcore look up to you when I first found out about Fighting Dreamers. I don't even know what year it was though, but I was still in middle school. So it's been awhile.
I was always so jealous that you seemed so open, happy, and silly. I couldn't do that myself. Also I wanted to be able to wear masculine clothes and show interest in women publicly. But I was too scared.
Through watching you and a couple of others I began to come out of my shell. The mean and indifferent mask that I constantly wore to hide how lonely and confused I really was.
And well honestly I just wanted to thank you.
You helped me to find myself through all the lies I had created to make everyone else happy.
I’m following you XD I though I should start off with that. I’m extremely honoured that you look up to me. That’s always an incredible thing to hear. I was very much like you, but my mask was one of attention-seeking obnoxiousness and immaturity. Finding yourself, and being able to express yourself fully really does break down whatever shell you’ve put up, so I hope that you continue to show everyone the true Alexander :)
Thank you for writing me, your message really improved my mood (and the post-blood test pain in my arm XD)
I'm in the processes of wanting to do FTM and I was wondering if you could spare a moment to answer some of my questions? How much does Testosterone procedure usually cost? I mean, at least for you?
You pay for the vials one by one. You inject yourself with testosterone once a week or once every two weeks depending on your dosage/preference etc. The vials cost me around 35$, and they last for about 3-5 months on average. They can run up to 80$ in some place.
AndroGel, an alternative to injections, costs about 100$ every month
first of I want to say congratz on surgery and everything, i do hope your skin does get better though.
anyway, I wanted to ask, if you were born in a "male" body, would you still be AS INTO cosplay? Would you even be into it at all? Also, do you think you would be with Nova if it weren't for cosplay?
Thank you :)
That I’m not sure of. I think i still would have been into cosplay, but I don’t think I would have gotten into it in the same way. It wouldn’t have had that “excuse to crossdress” aspect. Even now I find myself a little less into cosplay, but that’s simply because it’s no longer my lifeline of self expression.
I wouldn’t have met Nova if it weren’t for cosplay. So no, I doubt our paths would have crossed if it weren’t for cosplay.
Hi! I few more medical questions.
You've described you being on "T" similar to going through puberty. Based on that I have a few more inquires.
Has your taste in food change? Ie. you like mushrooms now, or coffee more.
Has your period changed/stopped? (Don't have to answer if this is too personal)
Has your eye colour changed? This may seem strange but some people's eye colours darken or lighten, or alter in hue during/after puberty.
Thanks for any answers!
My taste in food hasn’t really changed, except that I like pasta more now but I’ve always been fickle when it comes to my taste in food.
My period stopped at 3 months on T.
My eye colour hasn’t changed that I’ve noticed. Still stormy blue!
Post surgery complications are a GAS! Facial thing is a confirmed rash, I am allergic to anesthetic and detoxing it through the skin. PLUS I’m getting tested for Lupus, zinc deficiency and apparently all those antibacterials I was given destroyed my system. My GOD.
Went for a blood test, they took 4 vials, I feel awful. But at least I know it’s a rash…
I can haz more shirtless Twin pics, please???? Your chest looks awesome!
When I get out of my rut I’m in. I got a spontaneous terrible terrible breakout on my face as a result of meds+body shock and I’m sure a number of other post-op factors. It is really doing a number on my confidence and mood. I take really good care of my skin so I’m at a loss as to how this happened and I’m praying for it to clear up soon.
Until then, I’m not sure if I can muster the confidence to take any photos. This is one of the few things that really gets me down. And it’s even worse right now because I was finally happy with my body, then BAM, God’s like “FUCK YOU”
Hey :3 Um over the past month I have suddenly put on a bit of weight, although I have not eaten any more than I usually do and I still frequently go gym as often as possible in the week. Do you think an hour and thirty minute work out is good enough or should I push myself? What do you recommend for abdomen toning?
Congratulations on the surgery going so well. You were practically glowing in your latest video on your channel. <3
Hey Maisy Shane!
Keep in mind that weighing yourself can be deceptive, especially when you’re working out. For example, when I started working out I gained 5 pounds. This was muscle, not fat. As you may have heard, muscle weighs more than fat. I was 100% leaner, but I weighed more because of the muscle. I’ve been sitting around for 2 weeks now and I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’m less lean (meaning I’ve put on fat) but I’ve lost weight because I’ve lost muscle.
And hour and thirty minutes is my usual workout. Just be sure that you’re doing the right kind of stuff. I suggest a 15 minute run followed by a 15 minute bike. Then do some floor exercises with your abs (V-ups, sit ups, medicine ball twists etc.).
I’m not a fitness instructor, I’m just speaking from my own experience. I hope that helps!
That sounds exactly like some form of an allergic reaction to me. It could be from anything, really, my sister got a terrible hairdye allergy that was similar but without the sneezing and runny nose.
I *think* you should see a doctor if at all possible. :( I hope you get better!
You’re right XD I just got back from the doctors and apparently it is an allergic reaction. I’ve rarely ever get allergic reactions, so i just assumed that I had REALLY bad spontaneous acne. But the doctor looked at my face and said that is REALLY didn’t look like acne. And acne wouldn’t account for the swelling too.
He gave me a cream to use twice a day until it subsides. And I have Benadryl to use to take down the inflammation and the redness. Lesson learned? Don’t self diagnose!
It happened all of a sudden Wednesday evening. My skin was fine all morning, then it started to feel extremely dry so I washed and moisturized. Then, out of nowhere, red dots and bumps spread all over my cheeks. It looks like really bad, blotchy acne. It was so spontaneous… now I’ve trying to make it go away desperately but I have seen little change. My skin feels tight, my eyes are a little itchy… I’ve never experienced anything to this magnitude before.
I’ve never had especially good skin. But I don’t have bad skin. I’m not prone to this and I take REALLY good care of my skin.
I think it may have been a reaction of shock to going off my meds. It may also have been an allergic reaction. I’m getting chills and sneezing a lot too. I also have a runny nose.
Pray that this goes away in the next two days… It’s making me really anxious and sad.
Hope you don't mind a few medical questions :3
How long do you have to be on T before your body starts to make testosterone instead of estrogen, or does that never happen?
Do you have any stitches? How many and do they hurt?
When people say they have to look for an LGBT doctor, do they simply mean a doctor who is friendly to the LGBT community, or do they have slightly different training?
Who was your surgeon? (I'm only curious for this because I live in Richmond XD)
Thanks for any answers you can give! I adore you blog ^ _ ^
Your body will never make a level or testosterone that will maintain the male level of testosterone. Hormone therapy is a lifelong thing if you want to maintain male levels of hormones.
I have stitches around the bottoms of my nipples. Don’t feel em XD
Either or depending on the situation. For transgender people this often means a doctor who has undergone training to be qualified to treat a transgender patient and/or be eligible to do the assessment for hormone therapy for their transgender client.
Why Canada whyyy D: haha. By the way, thanks so much, I don't know where I found that site, I tried looking for it again but no luck. Anyway, even though canada asks for that it's still such a good idea. Do you have to be living IN Canada? I feel like that's a "duh" question but you seem to know your stuff better than what I've been able to find out.
Also, did you have to be documented for a certain amount of time? I know you have to do a psych thing though.
I’m very lucky to live in Canada for that reason :) But yes, you have to be covered by Canada’s heath care in order to access the benefits. Also, I’ve heard that Americans seeking surgery in Canada can’t with some surgeons because of insurance issues. But all I know on this issue is that I know of numerous Americans have tried to book a surgery with my surgeon but they couldn’t for this reason.
The documentation needs to be for 1 year. It just has to say that you’ve been identifying as male in work/school/volunteer work for a least a year. You don’t have to be on T. Some surgeons require more or less assessment.
if you don't mind me asking how much did your chest surgery cost? I've wanted it now for four years and I want to save up for it but it'd be motivational if I had a ball-park estimate. I've done my research and seen that some of them run from 5000 to 7500 dollars but I didn't know because insurance companies can sometimes cover a bit of it. I've also done research and know that there's the key hole and there's the double incision and sometimes they cost two different prices. If I had a chest that was around a 32B do you think they would use keyhole and how much would it cost? (I don't require exact numbers if you can't find out)
Thanks so much. I'm excited because I'm almost finished with my senior year in high school and a better life for me awaits. :D
ps. congrats man
There are actually 3 procedures:
Double Incision: for guys bigger than an A cup, usually. or for guys with saggy breasts. Incision is made below the breasts
Keyhole: The incision is across the nipple, for A cup, usually, but I’ve also read that it’s possible for B cup as well.
Periareolar (the one I got): for small chest guys, A or smaller. The incision is made around the outside of the nipple.
I’ve never heard of the style of surgery having different prices. Every article I’ve read and every surgeons’s pricing I’ve looked at has had universal pricing for all three. Some surgeons have a “specialty”, though so that’s something to take into account.
Expect surgery to cost you 7000$. I researched at whole whack load of surgeons looking for anyone that charged 5000$. I couldn’t find anyone. There USED to be a guy in BC who charged around that much, but he dropped out of doing FTM chest surgeries. My surgery was 6200$ base, but then you add the 70$ surgical binder and taxes and you end up with a $7000 bill.
I can’t say whether you’d be eligible for keyhole or peri. It also depends on the shape of your breasts as well. But again, cost will be 7000$. As for insurance, I don’t think that American insurance will pay for any portion of FTM chest surgery. It is considered an “elective surgery”, unfortunately. In Canada you can get it all covered, but this requires a surgery readiness assessment, 1 year real life experience documentation and sitting on a waiting list for a number of months. You also cannot choose your own surgeon, if you get your surgery covered in Canada.
This really isn't an ask me thing, but I feel like I should at least say it out right.
A friend had shown me your blog this week, knowing I would be interested in reading it.
I am a transgendered woman in a man's body, and reading through your blog a bit, made me start to cry.
It's so wonderful to hear that your family has supported you as they have.
Most of my friends are accepting, supportive, and loving for who I am; and I truly love them for that.
I, unfortunately, don't have the same luxury with my family.
So, I just wanted to say thank you man, for having this blog, and for giving me encouragement. I truly love you for it.
~a kindred spirit
I’m very happy to hear that your friends are supportive and accepting of you. Your family may just need more time to transition into that same sense of understanding. It’s taken my family a while to come as far as they have. Only recently has my mom been able to have a conversation with me without crying. Family is probably one of the hardest parts in transition, you’re not alone. I hope that my blog continues to help you and I’m always here to offer whatever support I can.
Congratulations on your very successful chest surgery! Must be nice to be feelin' the breeze. XD
Are you planning on getting bottom surgery? I know you say you have the "phantom limb" syndrome, but are you considering/getting an actual "limb," so to speak?
Hello! And thank you :) I’ll be more excited about feeling the breeze when I can take my surgical binder off! XD
I am not currently planning on getting bottom surgery. I’m good with my all natural (albeit non-traditional) penis :)
Im a 16 year old FTM and was planning on getting my surgery a few years after graduation. I have some questions that I'm curious to know. When your on T does your period stop? How long do you have to be on T? When do changes usually come up? What are the first begining changes? It would help so much to know.
Your period does stop on T, it happens a different times on different doses for different guys. For me, I was on a does of 50mg and my period stopped after 3 months on T. Most changes usually occur between 3-6 months. My changes were more gradual. My voice, for instance, didn’t really start to change until 4 months and it continues to change now at close to 11 months. Initial changes are usually: acne increase, voice drop, clitoral growth, muscle increase, body hair growth from my experience.
First congradulations on your surgery, your chest is looking really good c:
Second, I've been watching your videos and you are really an amazing man~
And third, I hope I don't sound like a creeper, but I really like your voice. It's kinda soothing ;u;
Hi! So, I'm a young transguy, and I just wanted to say that you've really been inspiring me through this, and you're really helpful!
I also wanted to ask you something, something which you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
So, for me, I don't have much bottom dysphoria, and I guess...the way I describe it is that I kinda have phantom limb syndrome, except instead of a limb it's my dick. And I was kind of wondering how you felt about your lower parts... Ok I just sound like a creep now, don't I? I'm sorry! *hides*
It's just that a lot of trans* people have really bad bottom dysphoria and like, they can't masturbate or have comfortable sexual encounters or anything, but I'm quite comfortable with my phantom penis, and sexual stuff/ masturbation has never bothered me. So, I was kinda wondering about your take on it. Ok, I'll go away now.
Ironically that sounds word for word what I described my bottom dysphoria (or lack thereof) as in my most recent Transbrothers video XD
In my personal experience, I did have some dysphoria pre-T. But for me, testosterone has done amazing things in that regard. My clitoris feels like a penis and behaves like a penis. It’s grown, and will continue to grow, so i’m excited to experience further relief of bottom dysphoria in the future.
I’m not sure if I could say that I’d feel the same way if I were not in a committed relationship with an accepting partner through my transition. I’ve never had to explain to a partner or possible partner about my “non-traditional” male penis.
Okay, so, I have this problem…I have this girlfriend and I’m not completely transitioned (I’m just pre everything…) and I’ve been stealth this whole time through internet. She has no idea. And it’s really troubles me. I don’t want to tell her because she will probably think I’m just a girl “pretending” to be a guy, she has had issues like this before. When a girl would pretend to be a guy. :( I dug myself too deep and I have no idea how to get out of it without making her mad at me. I’m not sure if she would understand, should I wait until I meet her in person after I am all transitioned? OMG. I don’t know. I feel like our relationship is bound to not survive…HELP. :(
If you are feeling anxiety over this you should be honest with her. You don’t have to tell her that you ARE something. Tell her how you feel and why you feel the way that you do. Open up a dialogue with her on the subject.
Also, unless you’re planning to meet her in a minimum of 2+ years, you will not be “fully transitioned” when you meet her. It takes a minimum of 3 months to pass an assessment to start hormones, and after that (in my case) it took 6 months or so before I was really passing. Then there’s the issue of surgery. So consider the time it would take you to save up, then booking a surgery date, factor in recovery time…. yeah. I don’t think it’s realistic to wait until after your transition to meet this girl that it sounds like you’ve been in a relationship with for a while.
Hi Lucas! Can I be honest with you?
I've seen you around a lot (as part of the AE community) and I used to be slightly put off by how cocky you seemed to be.. But as of right now, I really respect you. It takes a lot of guts to go out and do what you're doing, and I personally think you're doing a great job at it. Good luck at Port Moody Secondary, I'm sure you'll do great.
You certainly weren’t the only one! I used to be a cocky little prick. I realize now that a lot of that likely stemmed from my immense insecurity. But that’s no excuse. Thank you for your honest opinion and I’m very happy to hear that your opinion of me has changed :)
After reading a message sent to one of my accounts I felt compelled to write this out. The message offered me a kitten from a litter and told me that if all the kittens could not be given away then the writer’s father would abandon the animals in the forest. I replied and said that I could not take another cat, but that the writer of the message CANNOT abandon domestic kittens (they will probably die, that’s cruelty) and suggested that they surrender the kittens to the SPCA. I received a reply telling me that surrendering animals costs a fine of $80 and the writer and her family “just don’t have that kind of money”. The writer then proceeded to ask me where she could buy a “cheap” Tamaki Suoh cosplay for a con she is attending soon.
You don’t have enough money to save the lives of a litter of kittens. But you have enough money to buy a cosplay and go to a convention?
I’m disgusted. Cosplay is NOT a priority in life.
-Cosplay is NOT more important than paying RENT
-Cosplay is NOT more important than paying LIVING EXPENSES
-Cosplay is NOT more important than your GRADES
-Cosplay is NOT more important than WORK
-Cosplay is NOT more important than your HEALTH
-Cosplay is NOT more important than your FRIENDS
-Cosplay is NOT more important than your PARTNER
-Cosplay is NOT more important than the well-being of any living thing
You look fantastic, Lucas. I'm so happy for you that your body fits you better now and you're healing well. Can't wait to see you in person at Tsukino-Con :D
I still have to wait for ages before I can even get on a waitlist, let alone get surgery, and I know I'm going to have to get the double incision, cause I unfortunately have a pretty big chest >.> But anyway, I'm super happy for you, and I hope the rest of your healing process goes well!
Happy heart day from your Islander brother,
Thank you Dylyn! The waitlist issue in BC involves a lot of hoops, but as of a few months ago it’s WAY better than it used to be. For a while people were sitting on a wait list for years. Now it’s slowly being cut down to months. Dr. Bowman’s double incision results are excellent, so I’m sure that when you do get to that point it’ll be just as you imagined! See you at Tsukino ;)
I was wondering Lucas if you were going to eventually get a hysterectomy? Not now, obviously, but years into the future. Or does it not really bother you? I'm curious because I'm not sure how far I should go - surgically - to be a man.
A hysterectomy is a definite possibility for me because of the complications that can arise from testosterone. If it becomes an issue to my health, I will get a hysto. But until then it’s not something I would like to rush into.
Congrats on the surgery it looks great! I just watched your video and you seemed so in love with how you looked (not in a negative conceited way)
Thank you very much! I couldn’t be more pleased with the results. Especially after a nightmare every night before I had seen the results of the surgery for the first time in which my breasts weren’t gone they were just smaller… terrible terrible nightmare.
Hey lucas, This is kinda a weird question to ask but i was curious. What bathroom do you use now the boys or girls? And i am very happy for your chest surgery to be honest you are starting to look really good!
I am a boy therefore I use the boy’s bathroom. Thank you very much :)
This is very personal and weird question. Sorry about that. But when you eventualy have your bottom surgery, are you able to have sex.. well.. like a guy? I mean penetration.. I am just very curious :'D
Gongrats for your chest surgery! (And getting drains off today! Yey for you!) I hope your chest heals quickly and we can see some pics :)
You assumed two things that are wrong. The first is that I am getting bottom surgery. I do not plan to get bottom surgery. I am quite content with the penis I have. Testosterone makes the clitoris grow into what could be considered a “micropenis” if you will. I like my all natural penis.
Second is that I don’t already have sex like a man. I do have sex like a man, I always have. I penetrate my partner, and this is how we have sex. Who’s to say what having sex like a man is though? Thinking about it, many men enjoy being penetrated… sex is not as gendered as it may appear to be.