Hey, I've been wondering this a while, before your operation and the switch and all that (which, by the way, I'm really glad worked out for you! I wish you many happy, comfortable days <3) Are you and Nova(pardon me for not using her name but.. I don't know it) in a relationship? I hope it's not too personal or forward of me to ask and if you don't want to, you don't have to answer but I'm very curious...
So I've wanted to take T for a very long time. But one thing is hindering me. I don't want a penis. I may be a ftm and I want a lower voice and a more manly look, but I DON'T want a penis. I want a normal looking female thing down there, and not a weirdass small penis.... you prob think I'm really weird.
But my question is: is it possible to take something to get a lower voice and NOT get a penis?
Testosterone will not give you a “normal” penis. It will, however, make your clitoris grow into what man FTMs consider a penis. I’ve heard to referred to as a “micropenis”. The thing with T I that you cannot pick and choose your changes. It is possible to stop taking T after you’re voice has dropped, however you likely will have had some genital changes by that point. Research into which changes will and will not reverse after the cessation of T-therapy is not very conclusive, however genital growth is one of the areas that labelled “may or may not reverse”. Changes such as deepened voice and body hair/facial are generally “will not reverse” while weight re-distribition will revert back to a female pattern after you stop taking T.
I came out as genderqueer to a few of my friends, but now i feel like i'm trapped in a bit of a mold ('Being genderqueer, i must always dress androgynous and completely dispell my femininity and trade it for an apathic attitude towards gender' is kind of a good way to sum that mold up). I suck at explaining, so i feel i might've confused them about how i explained what genderqueer was. I'd re-explain it, but i already tried that and probably made things even worse with my stuttering and unconfident mumbling.
Any help on how i can clear things up with my friends?
Like they say in creative writing courses: show don’t tell.
Often words confuse people, and it’s understandable why seeing as any given word has more than one interpretation. Think about “bag”. What comes to mind, for me it’s Nova’s teal bag that I’m looking at atm. For you if may be a black messenger bag or a grocery bag even.
If you’re having difficulty explaining, just do. Dress and act however you want and mold the term “genderqueer” to you. Your friends will likely find it easier to figure things out just the way you did and that’s through experience.
Hi Lucas I just wanted to thank you. Because of you I felt comfortable with coming out to my school and to my very religous conservitive teacher. I even used you as an example of someone who inspires me. All of my friends always here me say "Well Kai says.......(insert trans fact here)" when they ask me questions. You really give me hope that it's going to be ok and that I'm not a freak. Even when the person I love told me I was freak and that there was something wrong with me I kept telling myself "Kai's made it so far even with problems so can I." Thank you for hope.
I’m happy that you could come out to your school and teacher :) that’s a huge step.
It’s tough in the beginning. Just take it one step at a time and you’ll get through it. Life has a wonderful way of working itself out in ways you can’t even imagine. If you lose someone here, then you’ll gain someone later down the road whom you wouldn’t have met otherwise :)
You remind me of Finn from Glee, appearance and personality, um yes, that's it, just thought you should know LOL :P
Well, “high school category” wise I’d likely slot into the jock category XD I’m not too familiar with Glee, I’ve only seen about half a season and a few episodes here and there. I will take that as a compliment =D
I played with power rangers when I was young, does that make me likely to want to become a boy? No it means I am a girl who likes playing with power rangers...big whoop!
I don't understand some people who MUST catagorise items with gender....your thoughts?
I don’t understand it either. By the same token, my little brother exclusively liked Disney villains. His favourite characters were Jafar and Captain Hook. Dis this make him a terrible little kid, a brat, a bad boy? No, quite the contrary he’s was (and still is) a soft-spoken and sweet kid who wouldn’t hurt a fly.
I feel that this stems from the tendency of people to be far too eager to over-examine and read into things that are very simple. For example, a boy tells his parents that he has a boyfriend named Bill. Their train of thought might be: pansy, feminine, AIDS, promiscuous, dragqueen, childless, gay pride, rainbow… in reality the only thing that this situation should mean is that their son is dating a boy named Bill. In your case, you’re a kid who likes Power Rangers… and that’s really all there is to it. It doesn’t assign you a gender, a persona, a career path, likes/dislikes, a sexuality, a BMI… maybe it spurred an interest you have in martial arts, but then again that could be totally unrelated.
I also work at Starbucks, and honestly I'm really nervous to come out at work. My manager goes on and on about how she's very supportive of the LGBT community, and my DM is actually in a lesbian relationship. But I'm rather feminine so this makes me uncomfortable. On the other hand though, I feel like I'm lying to everyone. What should I do?
You could take it step by step, this may make coming out more comfortable for you and an easier transition to make in the workplace.
Try starting with your name. You can include an explanation of your gender identity here, but all in all it shouldn’t be a hassle to call you a different name or at least call you by a “nickname”. After people adjust to that you can bring up pronouns.
Are you seeing a doctor or a therapist? If so it may help you (confidence wise especially) to ask them to write you a letter explaining what you’re going through. However, if your manager is LGBT supportive, I don’t think you’ll run into too much trouble. Starbucks is a good company when it comes to this from my experience.
Hey Lucas, I have a couple of questions I would like to ask.
I'm a barista as well and have come out to my co-workers as identifying as male. This happened about a year ago. It took them 6 months to use the name I am comfortable with, I have been on testosterone for about 5 months, and they know about my plans to get top surgery in the near future. Here is where the question comes in.
They refuse to call me "he" in front of customers... even though my voice has deepened a lot and I have changed to appear very androgynous. I understand that I don't look 100% male right now, but I do not look female either. I brought this up with the store manager, and he said that employees can call me by my "chosen" pronouns around each other, but they just cannot call me by male pronouns around the customers.
Should I wait until I pass more as the gender I identify with before talking with my manager again, and just have everyone refer to me as "they" and the name I prefer? Or is there something else I should do? I don't want to lose my job or quit; I love my job and I don't want to draw attention to myself or start drama.
Also, just out of curiosity... do you take vitamins? You seem very conscious about your health. XD like I said, just curious.
If my boss read this she would probably flip her shit.
You’re on testosterone, right? Ask your prescribing doctor for a carry letter or a documentation that states that you are medically undergoing a process to change your gender. Ask if the letter can refer to you as he and under your preferred name. This is a doctors note and should be followed under workplace standards.
Most likely, your customers will only be confused mildly by the change in pronouns, you won’t lose customers based on a few fleeting “he“‘s.
However, chances are after a few more months on T your voice changes will make it so that the opposite will occur and people will wonder why your coworkers are calling a boy “she”.
I’m interested to know if you work for Starbucks or another coffee shop. Starbucks does have diversity policies that are meant to make it LGBTQ friendly, so if you work for Starbucks you may be able to take this to your DM or RM.
I don’t take vitamins, I tried for a while but I’m forgetful about it for some reason XD
I thought I'd like to share with you. Can you tell me your opinion on this?
I love this.
Considering that the first question most people ask when a baby is born is “is it a boy or a girl” (as opposed to the far more relevant “is it healthy?”) I think that these parents have shown exactly how much we invest in gender. We want to apply the A or B blueprints to our children straight out of the womb. We don’t even take a moment to think about their well-being as people, just their well-being according to our standards of tradition and society.
What’s the merit in giving a girl a barbie doll and a boy a truck? This does nothing for the kid developmentally, you’re just projecting a gender on them—- like dressing up a doll. Kids are not dolls. Kids are human and humans are diverse individuals who are a hybrid of their parents DNA, not a copy. Let the child choose what he or she wants to play with, this way they’re building their own identity, not just regurgitating a script.
And to everyone who argues that the kid’s well-being is at stake here because they do not have a gender label, consider that my well-being suffered from having a gender label that was contrary to my identity. Many male children suffer from being told that they are “pussies” because they don’t like sports or rough-houseing. What we take for granted has as many negative consequences as what we perceive to be different or new.
I'm a fellow Starbucks partner. I was wondering how you delt with your outward gender change with your regulars. I'm sure like me you like most of them and they are probably in like every day! I know some of ours know a fair bit about us baristas. How did your store deal with this and do most of them call you Lucas, I hope they do.
When I came out at work, I told all of the partners in my store individually. No one had an issue with it, and everyone called me Lucas (or Kai) and “he”. They do so without fail, and everyone is incredibly accepting (I’m lucky, I think, because 2 of our partners have gay siblings and everyone else is very pro-LGBTQ). Some of our regulars caught on to the name/gender pronoun switch, and followed suit.
One regular asked my manager what I would like to be referred to as (he didn’t want to make it awkward by asking me I suppose). She told him “he” and the guy’s been doing exactly that. He usually calls me “buddy” though XD
A really sweet older couple that comes in regularly up until recently were calling me by my birth name. I didn’t tell them directly, but just recently they’ve started calling me Kai. I think they noticed that everyone else was calling me that name. Not entirely sure if they understand my transition, though.
We have an 80-something year old regular, and he still calls me by my birth name. I don’t correct him, because I don’t feel the need to.
Mostly people have just caught on though. None of the regulars (except for the first man I mentioned) have been told explicitly, and even then he wasn’t told in any detail about my transition.
I want to tell you you're amazing ! I really love all your cosplays (even if i don't know all characters ^^'') I see your pictures and Nova's since a long time ^^
Courage with your family but i'm sure they will understand even if it takes time. ;)
Congratulations for your wedding with Nova ! I'm so happy for you ! You two are beautiful together no matter what people say =D
I was wondering how did you chose the name Lucas ? I'm just curious ^^'
Have a nice day ! :)
And sorry for my english but i'm french, maybe i make few mistakes >u<"
Thank you very much Eva!
For my legal name I wanted to choose a name that was common (and uncommon name seemed to me to draw too much attention to me and my gender identity, people assume it’s not your real name sometimes…), fit me and was traditionally male and not unisex. I also wanted a name that I liked the nickname of. I thought about Elliot, Anthony and Lucas as well as a few other names that I can’t remember at the moment. People seemed to think that Lucas “fit”. I also really like the shortened form “Luca” and I don’t mind “Luke” either.
I'll just cut to the chase-
I'm doing a presentation on Gender Identity Disorder for my psych class, and we have to include some sort of media that involves the subject. And, I completely understand if you're uncomfortable with it, but I was wondering if you would mind if I used one of your Transbrothers and/or Transition videos in my presentation?.
I see you as such a big inspiration to the LGBTAPQ community and I think having more people hear your opinions on the matter would be a great way to send a positive message to the masses.
Thank you so much either way, and stay fabulous, cosplay and all!
Of course, you’re more than welcome to use any of my videos :)
Hey, I hope this question isn't too personal, but what was Nova's reaction to you wanting to get a FtM surgery? The thing is... I have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, and I love her more than anyone or anything. She is my whole world. We've been together for 3 years. I've known for awhile that she's had problems with her gender identity, and recently she's admitted to not feeling comfortable in her own body. She's seriously considering the possibility of becoming male (i.e. taking testosterone, getting breasts removed, etc) For some reason, this alarmed me. I'm a lesbian; to be honest, the thought of her becoming male...well...scares me a little. But I love her, I really do. I should support her through this... But at the same time, I feel conflicted. Am I a bad person? I was just wondering what Nova's reaction was like and if you have any advice on this matter...
Thanks a lot. :)
You’re not a bad person.
The thing in my case is that Nova’s opinion on gender in terms of sexuality is relatively “I give no fucks”. She’s bisexual, and when she met me she initially thought I was male. She always saw me as masculine, so when I came out to her about my gender identity she wasn’t surprised. It didn’t really change anything for us, it just ratified what she perceived was true about our relationship all along (if that makes sense).
In your case, you’re a lesbian. You like females. Just as it is legitimate for a straight person to not want to date someone of the same sex, it is legitimate for you to be adverse to dating someone of the opposite sex.
Let your partner know how you feel. If they are honest with you, you have every right to be honest with them. Encourage them to do what makes them happy, but don’t feel that you don’t have a right to do the same. Relationships require comfort from both parties, if you’re uncomfortable, speak up.
Hey, I just wanted to say that you are someone I really look up to and completely admire. I am still coming to terms with my own trans* identity, but reading your posts and watching your videos have kept me going for a while.
Basically, thank you for being awesome.
Thank you very much! I’m glad my posts could help you out :) Thank you very much!
I've been really confused. I'm not sure why tho. Yesterday my friend Clay said I would make a great lesbian, and I believe him. Plus the older i have gotten the less I'm attracted to men and the more I'm attracted to women. I'm so confused that it feels like my head is going to explode! There really isn't a question in this so if you get a chance to read it and have any advice on how to handle this please help.
Being a lesbian is a sexuality, a lesbian is not a distinct “type” of person. If you exclusively like girls and you are a girl, then you’d likely label your sexuality homosexual.
But you don’t need to pre-choose a sex in which you are interested if you are confused. It’s ok to be confused, love, relationships and sex are all complex and confusing. Just love whoever, and think about the labels later.
My friend wants to have the trans surgery sometime soon, and she doesn't know how much it'll be. Do you think you could give an estimate about how much?
There is no “trans surgery”. Surgeries involved in gender transition are numerous and vary depending on the person.
In terms of FTM surgeries, your friend may or may not need therapy/assessment before they are a candidate for the surgery. Chest surgery is around $7000, genital surgery is usually around $10 000 but it can be much much higher. There are also revisions for the above two surgeries, a hysterectomy as well as other cosmetic and non-cosmetic surgeries that pertain to transition.
So I’ve been getting a lot of asks telling me about an account that’s stealing my pictures and claiming to be me. This is my account, actually ^^;, please don’t report it to tumblr or anything XD. I established a personal blog at: http://icaris.tumblr.com/ because I felt that I wanted and needed a place to express that me that isn’t the cosplayer of trans-guy. This is a stealth account, so no trans-related things will be posted, and there will not be a cosplay focus either.
Feel free to follow me! By all means this isn’t a private account, however just a heads up that I won’t be answering cosplay or trans related asks or posting content of those two things on the icaris account.
So, again, http://icaris.tumblr.com/ is my personal blog, and this blog will remain a trans/cosplay related blog.
Hey Lucas. :) I think I remember you saying you decided not to do all the hoop-jumping that the MSP wants to see and paid out of pocket - any advice on getting together funds for surgery?
It wasn’t so much hoop jumping as the wait and limited surgeon options. I had enough saved up for surgery, and my wait for a surgery would have put me at September or so for surgery. I wanted it done that summer, and I also wanted to go with Dr. Brown, not Dr. Bowman (as MSP requires). Not that Bowman is a bad surgeon, he’s fantastic, I just preferred Brown’s half-peri method for my chest.
Work. It’s not easy saving up money but if you’re strict with yourself and put a little (or a lot depending on if you pay rent, have expenses etc.) from each paycheque away for surgery it will really help. You can also look into loans (bank or help from a friend/parent), fundraising events and donation pools.
I had a LOT of help to pay for my surgery from a close friend (I owe him SO MUCH) who loaned me money so that I wouldn’t be broke post-surgery. I’m paying him back 200$ a month for that, so something like that may be worth looking into as well.
What is your thought on the lethal injection? I've been asking people at my school what their opinions on this and usually I get the whole "well it's inhumane and wrong" answer, personally I'm for it and I think it's right. When people hear this, they flip the fuck out, and I have my reasons for supporting this method, for example if an individual has the "right" to go on and kill/rape/torture/kidnap/ect. then they have the right to pay for their crimes, why let them live? They obviously did something bad to get there in the first place, I wouldn't want someone who did something horrible to keep on living like if what they did was no big deal,
and I know playing God with someones life is wrong but they sure as hell don't deserve to continue living, even if it's in a small, cramped cell. Anyways I just wanna hear different people's opinion which I respect as long as it is presented in an educated respectful manner which is the way I say my opinions on topics like this one, if it's one thing I can't stand, it's people being ignorant about things.
From an objective standpoint I’m against the death penalty because it allows no room for human error. There have been instances where someone has been charged with a crime they did not commit and 20 years into their sentence new DNA (or other) evidence surfaces and they are proven innocent. It’s terrible enough to spend 20 years in prison as an innocent person, it’s even worse if they were killed as an innocent person.
From a subjective standpoint, I don’t think it solves anything to kill to avenge a killing. That doesn’t solve anything, it just makes more victims and more murderers.
I just wanted to say that I really admire you for being open about who you are and not worrying about what other people thing. I also (not to sound creep-ish) think your chest op turned out really well. :)
You remember me from youtube right (XtwinovaX) so yeah um see you guys at FanimeCon
Hey are there any FDP mebers going?
Where's Eureka? Its been a long time since I saw her at Any of the FDP videos???
See you at Fanime, only a few more days to go!
Myself, Nova and Valdrein are going. Eureka is no longer in FDP actually. She hasn’t been for a year or two now.
So I need some advice. Next year, I'm going to be graduating from high school next year and I'm so happy that I am because I really don't like my school because the people there don't really like me or don't want to get to know me. I have two friends in the whole school (Yeah, kind of a loner but oh well.) and that it.
So because I'd be grading next year also means prom.My mom has already been talking about what I'm going to wear and stuff like that. I always just answer with "I don't know yet.", but I don't actually want to go to my prom.I just don't see the point of me staying out all night with people that don't like or don't want to get to know me.
I want to tell my mom that I don't really want to go, but I don't know what she'll say and I don't want to hurt her feeling because I know she's wants me to go. Or am I just being silly?
I really don't know what to do. If you can help me that would be great.
Prom isn’t up everyone’s ally, but this is all a part of the preconception that every kid has )or should have) and identical set of interests, ambitions and high school experience.
I went to prom, and it was ok. It wasn’t the greatest night ever by far, but I’m gad I went just so I could have an opinion on it.
If it sucks, you can leave (I left my prom at 4am because I got bored). But if you miss it you may regret it later. Mind as well try it out and make a judgement call from there in my opinion.
If both you and your fiancee's parents can't accept you two being together, what will you do/ what will your plans be?
I've been together with my gf for nearly 4 years now. Her family can't accept same-gender relationship. My parents didn't know about us though they welcome my gf to our house everytime cos they thought we are best friends etc.
We planned to get married at Canada after we got ourselves a stable job since our country doesn't accept same-gender marriage + majority are against LGBT, but we are worried that my parents won't accept nor support us if we ever told them about us.
Friends know about us, but they have no advices to give, nor having any experiences similar to ours.
If you are in this scenario, what will you do?
I'll be utmost grateful if you have any advices and I'm sorry for troubling you.
You’ll never know until you tell them. You may be pleasantly surprised by your parents reaction, you may also be drastically let down. But at least, in knowing, you’ll be able to more clearly formulate a plan. Mind as well open all the doors before you choose which one to enter, right?
As for your gf’s parents… all you can do there is give it time. Habit becomes a powerful grounding force, and over time they may come to see you two as a couple without even consciously realizing it.
If your parents can’t accept you two being together then that’s their issue, not yours. It’s your emotions, future, body and mind; you have to do with your life what YOU want, not what others expect or see fit for you.
Sorry if this is too personal but I'm really curious...How is your relationship with your family now?
Distanced but amiable. My dad’s still in a nebulous place of denial and/or doesn’t care. My mom’s tolerant and trying her best to come to terms with everything. Things are better, not the same, but better. And that’s really more than I expected from this situation.
Hey Lucas, I need some advice. I've thought heavily on some of the decisions I've finally got the courage to go through and came out to my friends as a FTM transgender, uncertain about a few things Ill have to decide on in the future. A few of my teachers have asked about it, and some class mates, which is fine, since its just their own curiosity, and naturally Ive had to deal with the ignorance alone with the oblivious, and telling them apart from just the unknowing has been hard but.... how do I tell my mom? My grandmother knows, so I'm sure my mom has an idea but... I know she'll want me to tell her myself. I'm just scared and I don't know how...
If your grandmother knows you may have a leg-up there. Have your grandmother with you, if you can, when you tell your mom. If she’s supportive, she can be a great source of rationalization of the subject for your mom as well as support for your mom if she needs it.
It’s always scary, and keep in mind that her first reaction will not be her last reaction. It may take some time for her to work through this emotionally and rationally.
Hi Lucas! I'm doing a report for my English class, and my current topic was Transgender Studies—more specifically, the psychological parts of how one identifies their gender. I decided that you would be one of the points in my report because I'm also talking about very popular transgenders over the internet.
Could you tell me if you felt anything different from trying to identify as a girl, or identifying as a boy? Er, bad wording. More like have you ever tried to force yourself to identify as a female? And how did it differ from identifying as a male?
Thank you so much for your help!
And congratulations to you and Nova! You guys are beautiful together.
Best way I can explain it is that, for me, being “female” was like constantly running uphill while juggling. Very exhausting and it took all of my concentration to keep it up. Being “male” was like strolling through a park, content and without anywhere I had to be.
You can force yourself to be or do anything, especially for a short amount of time. But when it comes to life that “default” or “neutral” self is what gender identity is in my opinion. It’s the person we are underneath the facade of clothing, makeup, haircut, voice, physique…
I hope that explains my perspective :) best of luck to you!
I was wondering something. You're a boy, but I've seen you cosplaying as female characters, like Raime from Nabari no Ou. Do you have a different oppinion on crossplaying post-op or are yous till okay with it? Maybe it's a stupid question, but the thought sort of popped into my head and I got really curious.
If I like a character, I will cosplay him or her regardless of gender. Men do crossplay, it is no different for me now as it was back then except for some physical factors. It does make me a little more self conscious, but I think that stepping out of your comfort zone is part of the thrill of cosplay.