In regards to the post about trans marriage and it being considered same sex, the person should probably realize that trans people come in different sexualities as well. And while a straight ftm could marry a girl and in some states it would be considered gay, in those same states if he married a guy it could be considered gay as well. That's why my bf and I can't get married. He's an FTM and I'm a Cissy and we're considered gay when it comes to marriage.
Very good point. I’m sorry to you and your boyfriend, it’s a terrible thing to bar two people in love from getting married. Especially when we know that gender and sexuality are so complex, even where it seems the most “basic”.
Well, I like this girl (I'm also a girl), and she is a lesbian. She doesn't know that I'm bisexual, I kinda only accepted it recently myself. Anyway, would going up to her and asking "Would you ever go out with me?" be a good way to not really ask her out, but to see if there was a chance or not? Could you possibly suggest another way?
I’ve found that whenever you pose a hypothetical like that you rarely get an authentic answer. She may not answer honestly because: she is afraid to embarrass herself incase you’re just asking as a joke; she doesn’t take the question as a serious one; or she answers in a nice was (she doesn’t want to say no so that she doesn’t insult you.
You could ask a friend to be a go-between and ask her, but in all honesty the only 100% accurate way in which to know if there’s a chance or not is to ask her out directly. Yes you are putting your pride on the line, but otherwise you may be dancing around the subject for a while. That’s what I’ve found from my experience, anyway. Best of luck to you!
This isn't really a question but a response to your post about marriages involving a trans* individual in the US. I*'m actually doing a project on that for my Gender, Politics, and Policy class.
Basically each state is allowed to define how exactly a "man" and a "woman" are defined. Most of the states don't explicitly define this so it varies and often comes down to court cases. Unfortunately, most of the cases take the viewpoint that it would be a "same-sex marriage" since the trans* individual can't change their chromosomes and is still regarded as their birth sex, even if they have legally changed their gender. Even the states that don't view gender as based solely on chromosomes often require a person to have SRS before they can be legally considered the gender they associate with. It's very rare for a trans* individual to be able to obtain a legal marriage license if their birth sex would make the relationship a "same-sex marriage."
Recently, this has been challenged but unfortunately, it will probably take awhile. Hopefully this helps you and Anon!
Thanks for the info for US transpeople. Hope this clears things up for people!
you and nova are sexually active...
PLEASE explain that to me.
(I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.)
We have sex? I thought that kinda spoke for itself.
I know what you’re likely getting at, but sex with a biological penis penetrating a biological vagina is just one form of sex. You can buy a penis, from a store, it’s really that easy XD In fact you don’t even have to use a penis to penetrate, you have these appendages called fingers, and they work too. The receiving end doesn’t need to be a vagina (anal sex). You don’t even have to penetrate to have sex (oral sex for example). I hope that explains things.
This may be too far a personal question, but I'm too uncomfortable to talk to anyone I know about it. I'm too much of a chicken when it comes to speaking feelings out loud and face to face. :/
For the past couple months, I've been increasingly aware of how different my boyfriend and I are to different couples. He's been on T for a long while now and I have no problem with the fact that he was once female. Thats never been a problem at all. It's just that, as I'm growing older and noticing people my age going off and moving away to start their lives, getting married and having children, it sinks in a little each time that we'll never be able to have what they have.
I live in the United States, so it's kinda an iffy subject on the marriage thing. Of course we can get married; we don't need a piece of paper saying that we legally are. But it pains me to know that it would be written down as a "domestic partnership" or some bogus thing like that. I know Nova and you are getting married soon. Is it different in Canada? Do they allow it to be called a "marriage" between two people even though it would be considered out of societal norms?
Again, this may be too emotionally personal but, do you two ever feel sad that you can't biologically have children together? I feel bad every time it upsets me because it upsets my boyfriend too. I don't want him to feel regret or sadness because of something "he did". Does that make any sense? He always tells me he's so sorry, but it's not his fault, you know?
I don't know any other couples with a transgendered partner here around me outside the internet, otherwise I would be asking them and not sneaking around on your tumblr anonymously... But basically, I just want to know if you guys sometimes feel similar to those feelings? You two seem so perfect, like you guys never have any riffs in your relationship.
I feel like I'm weakening my relationship with him by making him feel guilty even though thats the last thing I want to do. I just wanted to see if other couples like us go through the same thing, to see if we're not alone in feeling this way.
And I'm sorry for unloading and babbling on you, someone I only know upon observation, not communication. I hope it didn't bother you too much to have a giant wall of text come walk its way into your inbox.
In Canada, gay marriage is legal. However Nova and I will not be getting married as a same-sex couple. We will be getting married as a heterosexual couple, as I will have my gender marker legally changed. I was under the impression that this applied in the US as well (however I’m by no means sure of this).
It’s awful that legislated discrimination still exists, and my hope is that it will not exist for much longer. But until that time comes, it presents hardship that I’m sorry you have to endure emotionally and politically.
The prospect has bothered me at times, but I know that it’s not like I can’t have children. Biological relation has never been an important concept for me, but that’s just because I reason that blood really doesn’t make people similar or different when it comes to the important things about a person. There are cisgendered heterosexual couples out there who cannot reproduce together either, this problem is not BECAUSE a person in the relationship is transgender. This problem is a biological fluke, that’s the way I think about it anyway.
We’re not perfect XD no relationship is. We’ve fought through many issues in the past. Nova is very much a “whatever happens, happens” kind of person about these issues. And over time I’ve adopted this outlook as well. I do feel stings of guilt from time to time, but then I remind myself that these are not issues that cannot be worked out , these are not irreconcilable issues. All relationships encounter emotional and logistical hurdles, in this case the hurdles. These are just the hurdles that we much deal with as people in relationships as or with transpeople.
I wish you and your boyfriends the best, don’t be afraid to send me a message if you ever need someone to talk to about this. Neither of you should feel like you are alone, you’re not alone.
wait what!? what's this about you coming to a convention in the UK? asdjkkdsaj! please tell me its the London MCM Expo, i'd probably spend the whole time there looking for you, you got me into cosplay and i really look up and admire you, your one hell of an inspiring guy and to meet you would just make my year! :)
It’s Alcon in September, not MCM Expo. Maybe you can go to that one though? If so I’ll see you there? =D
and i hugged both tyeson AND bailey.. i'm a home wrecker D:... or would that have been a tag team on their behalf?
and i hugged dylyn. guess i just whored myself at the con that night.
and i feel you because if handshakes = flirting and hugs =sex... char and i committed some ultimate crime.
gosh, he didnt have to find out this way :O
i mean, god forbid. i was trying to hide our hand-love.
As long as Tyeson never finds out that Bailey and I have hugged. Cause if a handshake=flirting then a HUG MOST CERTAINLY MEANS WE HAVE HAD SEX.
And I don’t even want to think about the intimacy level I am on with Courtney… or Jenna, WTF? I guess we must have fused into the same being and are constantly fucking within a membrame-bound skin surface.
“Joe Rehyansky, a part-time magistrate and Vietnam veteran, wrote on conservative news site The Daily Caller that lesbians should be allowed to serve in the military because straight male soldiers could “convert” them.”
I have a friend, a very close friend, that's struggling with being transgender (ftm). He recently told his parents, and they're not very supportive of it, and he's now struggling with heavy depression and such.
We're from a place where people who consider themselves transgender will be looked at as freaks, and where it's really hard to get help, t-medicines, surgery etc. And even though we're really close, I struggle with referring to him as a boy (we've known each other for many years).
You might not be the right person to ask this from, but would you know anything that could help me cheer him up? I'm scared he'll consider suicide, and from the messages I've gotten lately, it seems more and more likely. It scares me, because I know I wont be able to deal with it.
But anyhow, I need all the advice I can get.
It may be worth it to tell him that this is not the end, this is just the beginning. For many, transition means starting at the bottom and climbing your way to the top. It will get better. It will be a struggle, but it will get better.
It will likely help him a great deal if you went to extra lengths to refer to him as male. Use pronouns frequently, and use his male name (if he has one) more often then you normally would use his name. Also, encourage him to be proactive. This will not come to him, this is something he has to pursue and he may find that affirmative action has a positive effect on his state of mind. Research clinics, therapists, doctors around you. This page has a list of trans-resources by area: http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm
“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that”—Martin Luther King, Jr. (via anirabbit)
Im SOOO excited that your coming to the UK for one of the conventions and im hopefully attending, though i swear i might faint if i see you. haha.
but on the serious side of things i need some advice from someone who i really really really admire, so obviously you and or nova. for ages you were such a fantastic example to me.
just recently my dad passed away, and its knocked me down completely. i have no confidence or friends because i pulled myself away from any social interaction, even education which im so stupid for!
im wanting to go back into cosplay because it was something i truely enjoyed, but i cant find the confidence to do it again which stresses me out and makes me down.. did you ever go through a confidence problem and what do you suggest i do?
i hope everythings wonderful and perfect on your side of the world.
I’m very sorry about your loss, I can’t imagine the pain that comes with losing a parent. Confidence building is a gradual process. Once you’ve been knocked down it can take a while before you’re up and walking again. Try to get back to socializing. Start small. A movie with a friend (that way you aren’t pressured to talk the whole time, there’s a safe distraction). And from there try to start being around people more and more little by little. Lots of distractions is a way that I deal with grief and how I improve my mood when I’m feeling down, so just starting to make things for cosplay to keep your mind away from things may be worth it.
oh, goodness, you should have come to dinner with us! we had this fantastic flamboyantly gay waiter and he was just the best. we had so much fun. but then again, sleep sounds wonderful, too
That was weird dream night for me too, so I should have come. My dream was reminiscent of the Where the Wild Things Are movie… sooooo really fucked up and excessively detrimental to childhood nostalgia.