Hey, I really hope you can help me. I'm going to see a doctor on monday to see if I can see a gender therapist but I have no idea what to say!
I have no idea how to word it, or what will happen afterwards ><
Would really appretiate your advice!
You can access gender therapy directly, you don’t need to go to a doctor unless you’re saying that you want your doctor to do your hormone readiness assessment. The assessment is not therapy, it is a medical diagnosis of GID. Things may work differently in your area, though, I’m just speaking from my own experience.
I am hoping that maybe you can share a little advice. I am pretty much making myself sick with fear and anxiety over this and I don't really know what to do.
I'm a 24 year old male, I got my top surgery done about a year ago. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for four years now. She has been with me every step of the way. This weekend is the first time though that I am going back home to see her parents in about two years.
They were so accepting in the beginning when they saw us as just being "lesbians" however I am afraid that they will look down upon the fact that I am transgender. We haven't told them because we wanted to let them know face to face. I really love and respect her parents.
On top of it she is really close to them and I don't want how they feel to affect our relationship if they are not accepting. I am just so worried.
Any advice you can offer would be great. I mean, you have a girlfriend right? Do her parents know about you and how did they react? did you even tell them? Should I tell hers?
This was my fear too. Prior to my girlfriend’s parents knowing I assumed that they would react badly and label me a “freak”. However it didn’t turn out that way. My girlfriend’s mom worked at a pharmacy and had a number of trans patients come in for their hormones so she knew more than the average person about the medical side of transitioning. She was very accepting, and although my girlfriend’s dad didn’t understand (which is normal, some people cannot wrap their heads around the feeling of being born the wrong sex), he makes an effort to call me “he” and Lucas.
If your girlfriend can talk to her parents beforehand that may be easier, explaining the basics such as “______ is not ______, he has always felt mentally and psychologically male and he is taking hormones and has had surgery to align his mind with his body.” Is a good starting point. They will likely have questions, and they likley won’t be on the ball with pronouns and a new name at first either. But I’m sure you know that those things will come with time as they adjust.
I was wondering if you had any advice on the proceeding subject, but if not that's okay.
So, in high school I fell for my best friend (basically the whole cliche lesbian cycle). It was through my feelings for her (basically gave my heart to a relationship that I never knew would work, cause she is straight) that I began to uncover my attractions to those around me. It's been over a year since I came out to her, she was fine with it but then completly cut me out of her life. I was really down and basically tried to end my life. Though, at the moment I have no intentions if ever ending my life, because I love life. It's just that I've never been in a relationship (19) and I have been asked out by girls I like. I just feel like I can't move on from my ex-bf, that somehow along the way I've shut myself out and now it's too painful to be in any relationship. I feel like I have this huge stone wall around the place where my heart used to be. I want to fall in love, I want to give relationships a chance I just don't know how to figuratively break down the walls and put my heart back together.
When your heart’s been broken it can be very hard to put it back together again. It’s like zeroing out: confidence, composure, self-worth, emotions, sociability, appetite, trust, energy… they all go down to zero and you have to reboot.
Individualize your bf, she was a person, she does not represent an ideal or a group of people. Not all girls will be like her, nor will they be better or worse, just different and unique (as humans are).
If it didn’t work out with her, then it was never meant to work out and the one for you is still out there. It can only get better from here!
I'm sorry if I'm troubling you by writing/asking you this. And if you don't want to reply please don't force yourself. I don't want to be a drag.
But.. I'm a really shy person, and I think too much.
I can't say that your my idol or anything like that, but you seem like a really nice and friendly human (I don't know you in person, so I can't be sure of that) but..
I'm a failure in math... it's not because I'm too lazy to study, but it just that... I don't get math... At all.
And I'm really worried that one day I will hit my head in the wall from all the stress and stuff.
It's not like I'm putting pressure on you to calm me down.
I just don't know what should I do...
I'm a really lost and confused child so... I just felt like I need to tell someone this...
I struggle with math too. I can’t even add or subtract simple numbers in my head without using my fingers. Some people just aren’t good at things, we we have to work twice or three times as people who are good at math. It’s a challenge. I had to get a C+ or higher in my foundations math class in university a few years ago. I went for extra help every week and did all my homework. Repetition is the key, that’s why math homework is so important, the more you do it the better you’ll remember how to do it. Math isn’t really something you can read over once and understand or be able to piece together later (which is what English and History are to me). For people who are more literarily minded it’s very abstract.
In regards to the post about trans marriage and it being considered same sex, the person should probably realize that trans people come in different sexualities as well. And while a straight ftm could marry a girl and in some states it would be considered gay, in those same states if he married a guy it could be considered gay as well. That's why my bf and I can't get married. He's an FTM and I'm a Cissy and we're considered gay when it comes to marriage.
Very good point. I’m sorry to you and your boyfriend, it’s a terrible thing to bar two people in love from getting married. Especially when we know that gender and sexuality are so complex, even where it seems the most “basic”.
Well, I like this girl (I'm also a girl), and she is a lesbian. She doesn't know that I'm bisexual, I kinda only accepted it recently myself. Anyway, would going up to her and asking "Would you ever go out with me?" be a good way to not really ask her out, but to see if there was a chance or not? Could you possibly suggest another way?
I’ve found that whenever you pose a hypothetical like that you rarely get an authentic answer. She may not answer honestly because: she is afraid to embarrass herself incase you’re just asking as a joke; she doesn’t take the question as a serious one; or she answers in a nice was (she doesn’t want to say no so that she doesn’t insult you.
You could ask a friend to be a go-between and ask her, but in all honesty the only 100% accurate way in which to know if there’s a chance or not is to ask her out directly. Yes you are putting your pride on the line, but otherwise you may be dancing around the subject for a while. That’s what I’ve found from my experience, anyway. Best of luck to you!
This isn't really a question but a response to your post about marriages involving a trans* individual in the US. I*'m actually doing a project on that for my Gender, Politics, and Policy class.
Basically each state is allowed to define how exactly a "man" and a "woman" are defined. Most of the states don't explicitly define this so it varies and often comes down to court cases. Unfortunately, most of the cases take the viewpoint that it would be a "same-sex marriage" since the trans* individual can't change their chromosomes and is still regarded as their birth sex, even if they have legally changed their gender. Even the states that don't view gender as based solely on chromosomes often require a person to have SRS before they can be legally considered the gender they associate with. It's very rare for a trans* individual to be able to obtain a legal marriage license if their birth sex would make the relationship a "same-sex marriage."
Recently, this has been challenged but unfortunately, it will probably take awhile. Hopefully this helps you and Anon!
Thanks for the info for US transpeople. Hope this clears things up for people!
you and nova are sexually active...
PLEASE explain that to me.
(I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.)
We have sex? I thought that kinda spoke for itself.
I know what you’re likely getting at, but sex with a biological penis penetrating a biological vagina is just one form of sex. You can buy a penis, from a store, it’s really that easy XD In fact you don’t even have to use a penis to penetrate, you have these appendages called fingers, and they work too. The receiving end doesn’t need to be a vagina (anal sex). You don’t even have to penetrate to have sex (oral sex for example). I hope that explains things.
This may be too far a personal question, but I'm too uncomfortable to talk to anyone I know about it. I'm too much of a chicken when it comes to speaking feelings out loud and face to face. :/
For the past couple months, I've been increasingly aware of how different my boyfriend and I are to different couples. He's been on T for a long while now and I have no problem with the fact that he was once female. Thats never been a problem at all. It's just that, as I'm growing older and noticing people my age going off and moving away to start their lives, getting married and having children, it sinks in a little each time that we'll never be able to have what they have.
I live in the United States, so it's kinda an iffy subject on the marriage thing. Of course we can get married; we don't need a piece of paper saying that we legally are. But it pains me to know that it would be written down as a "domestic partnership" or some bogus thing like that. I know Nova and you are getting married soon. Is it different in Canada? Do they allow it to be called a "marriage" between two people even though it would be considered out of societal norms?
Again, this may be too emotionally personal but, do you two ever feel sad that you can't biologically have children together? I feel bad every time it upsets me because it upsets my boyfriend too. I don't want him to feel regret or sadness because of something "he did". Does that make any sense? He always tells me he's so sorry, but it's not his fault, you know?
I don't know any other couples with a transgendered partner here around me outside the internet, otherwise I would be asking them and not sneaking around on your tumblr anonymously... But basically, I just want to know if you guys sometimes feel similar to those feelings? You two seem so perfect, like you guys never have any riffs in your relationship.
I feel like I'm weakening my relationship with him by making him feel guilty even though thats the last thing I want to do. I just wanted to see if other couples like us go through the same thing, to see if we're not alone in feeling this way.
And I'm sorry for unloading and babbling on you, someone I only know upon observation, not communication. I hope it didn't bother you too much to have a giant wall of text come walk its way into your inbox.
In Canada, gay marriage is legal. However Nova and I will not be getting married as a same-sex couple. We will be getting married as a heterosexual couple, as I will have my gender marker legally changed. I was under the impression that this applied in the US as well (however I’m by no means sure of this).
It’s awful that legislated discrimination still exists, and my hope is that it will not exist for much longer. But until that time comes, it presents hardship that I’m sorry you have to endure emotionally and politically.
The prospect has bothered me at times, but I know that it’s not like I can’t have children. Biological relation has never been an important concept for me, but that’s just because I reason that blood really doesn’t make people similar or different when it comes to the important things about a person. There are cisgendered heterosexual couples out there who cannot reproduce together either, this problem is not BECAUSE a person in the relationship is transgender. This problem is a biological fluke, that’s the way I think about it anyway.
We’re not perfect XD no relationship is. We’ve fought through many issues in the past. Nova is very much a “whatever happens, happens” kind of person about these issues. And over time I’ve adopted this outlook as well. I do feel stings of guilt from time to time, but then I remind myself that these are not issues that cannot be worked out , these are not irreconcilable issues. All relationships encounter emotional and logistical hurdles, in this case the hurdles. These are just the hurdles that we much deal with as people in relationships as or with transpeople.
I wish you and your boyfriends the best, don’t be afraid to send me a message if you ever need someone to talk to about this. Neither of you should feel like you are alone, you’re not alone.