Hey Lucas, I have a problem... i dont know how explain to my parents that I am lesbian, my father is nazi and my mother despite say that she support us to me and my brothers if we are homosexuals, i am not convinced.
Please help me, because i dont know what do, and I'm having a bad moment...
I’m not sure in what sense that you mean your father is a Nazi.
If your mother has stated that she’d support you and your brothers if you were gay, then I think it’s safe to say that confiding in her is relatively safe. If you’re worried then bring the issue to hr again and ask her if she would support you if you were gay. This’ll likely lead to the question: “are you gay?” in which case you can choose to answer according to how you gauge the situation.
Getting a feel for how your parents feel on the topic really helps when coming out (or choosing whether or not to come out). It’s the not knowing that creates a lot of anxiety and fear in the first place.
Hey, you remember me? :D
I made this an ask:
nikitashishli: "Omg, you're going to Alcon in England?! I'm totally going!
Gotta save money for the flight from Denmark! (And convince my mom.. lalalalalalala) I hope to see you guys there!"
Just wanted to say hi again, I hope you're doing well, and... I'm actually going to ALcon! It's not the whole con, I'm attending, but at least one and a half day. So, I'll see you there! :D
That’s awesome! Especially since you’re coming from Denmark (I’ve always wanted to go to Denmark) :)
See you at Alcon, only a few months away! Let me know what you’re cosplaying (if you are) so I can be on the lookout for you!
Have you noticed any changes in your hairline since you've been on T?
Yes, my widow’s peak is a little more defined.
Most transmen experience hair loss, they are more likely than cismen because they have two X chromosomes. Therefore, instead of looking at balding in your mother’s side, you look at balding in your fathers side too. Pretty much any history of balding in your family means that you are likely to experience hair loss.
I've been on T a little over 3 months now and I'm finally seeing quite a bit of facial hair. I'm a little hesitant about putting a razor to my face without knowing what to avoid doing or being shown how. I don't exactly have male figures I can just go and ask so I was wondering if you had any tips for first timers you can pass on
I'd like to ask your opinion, if that's okay. If you had to be approached about your sexual orientation, how would you ideally like it to be done? I ask because, my family believes my brother may be gay, not necessarily because of his actions or interests (at least, around us), but mostly because of the websites he visits. (If you catch my drift.)
It doesn't matter to us what his orientation is, but my mom would like to approach him about it (as she's the closest to him.) However, she's at a loss on how to do so. She's afraid of doing something wrong, or doing something to send him over the edge. He does get depressed sometimes, so we don't want anything to happen.
Thanks so much.
Set the stage first. Make sure that he knows that, if he does want to come out, it’s safe for him to do so. Talk about homosexuality, just in casual conversation, and have your parents state that they accept it and don’t think there’s anything wrong with it (if this is the case). This could be while watching TV as a family, or it could be in the car (bring up New York’s recent legalization of gay marriage or a gay celebrity for instance). You could even go so far as to state: ” if any of you (kids) were gay, we (the parents) would be fine with that.”.
Once you’ve set the tone the ball’s in your brother’s court and he can come out in his own stride (if may be very important for him to choose when and how he comes out). He may not be sure yet, or he also may be exploring his sexuality (I don’t know too many straight kids who like to discuss their sexuality with their parents, gay kids are no different).
This is how I would do it. Best of wishes to you and your family :)
Hey there :D
Recently my best friend got into a big fight with her boyfriend after I told her that he added me on facebook and I found out that he thought that she liked me =w=
I don't feel like I need to prove my gender preference to the world. I'm a straight girl. But then when these sort of situations happen, it feels as if it's my fault for having short hair and preferring jeans to skirts.
Do you think if by trying to grow out my hair, wearing makeup and finding a boyfriend will prevent these sorts of situation from happening again?
It’s their problem, not yours. You’re right, you don’t need to prove your sexuality to anyone. This guy could be insecure or he could also simply be making assumptions… like walking into a salon and assuming your well-dressed male hair stylist MUST be gay. We all do this.
Don’t change a thing. In fact, take a look at this smokin’ hot straight woman: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-D3Tyr86if6c/TdkbfbFP7kI/AAAAAAAAGmw/RYzlQ-hhyEQ/s1600/natalie+portman+tshir.jpg
Hey there Twin, I have a deep question.
I've been thinking about my gender identity for a while now. I've even gone so far as to wearing a wig when I'm out and about and buying a binder (which has yet to arrive XP), yet I'm still not sure where I stand. There's allot of reasons I'd love to be male, and allot of reasons I'm afraid to be. If my mother knew, I think it would crush her and destroy our relationship. Also, my friends are starting to let me down as far as support is concerned. It's like it's an old story to them and the situation has passed. IDK, i'm just lost right now and feel almost hopeless. I want to be me, but I don't know who 'me' is any more.
So here's my question. Was there an immediate moment when you knew, without a doubt in your mind, which gender you wanted to be? Was there any doubt?
I would really love to know so I can at least try to go the right way for myself.
It wasn’t about wanting to be a gender. Personally I wanted to be female. I tried so hard to pass as female to myself as much as to others. But I was male, and that was just a fact that I couldn’t escape. I did not want to be male, I just was.
When I finally got exhausted of the “being female” facade and started just being myself I was finally able to relax. I began to realize that being a male in a female body didn’t mean I had to live my life as a social outcast. I realized that although I couldn’t change my mind to match my body I could change my body to match my mind.
The issue with choosing a category, so to speak, is that it’s not authentic. It’s like choosing who you fall in love with, you can’t make it happen, love just IS.
And the fantastic thing about gender is that it’s not just two boxes. It’s a spectrum, so you don’t have to pick red team or blue team. Forget about the concept of gender for now if it’s concerning you. Just be who you are. Mix and match freely according to how you, as a person, feel. No one knows who they are in their young adult life, that’s the point of young adult life. You’re building your identity as you grow up, wearing different hats and exploring yourself and the world around you. If you don’t know then that’s natural. It’ll come in time, and as cliche as it sounds, when you know, you’ll know.
I’ve been struggling to tell you this for a while now. I wrote a letter, but I was too nervous to send it, so now I have to tell you in a form that I can send immediately so I don’t change my mind. I have felt inherently and essentially male all my life. I thought I could just pretend and this feeling would go away. I tried hard to ignore my core self, I tried hard to change that self from male to female so that I could match everyone else and fit in. I went through the motions and tried to over-compensate. But it didn’t work. Nothing changed. I acted out and became frustrated—-I couldn’t accept what was wrong.
I am transgender. I have been on hormones for 3 months. My doctor is Doctor Townsend at Three Bridges Clinic (part of Coastal Health). She is one of the foremost doctors for transgender people in BC. I am well taken care of, and I was confirmed as having gender dysphoria by a clinical psychiatrist. This is very real.
I know that this will upset you both, which is why I waited so long to tell you. Cameron knows and has known for some time now. He is and has been extremely supportive and understanding; I couldn’t ask for a better little brother. And I can’t ask for better parents either. You guys have done nothing wrong, this is just the way I am. And the fact that I had the privilege to be raised by such loving parents makes me feel guilty about making this decision, but I know that you want me to be happy, and this is the way I am happy.
I am very happy. People around me have noticed this. My confidence has increased, my anxiety is gone and I’m just… happier.
I want you to know that this has nothing to do with you, my interests, Jenna, or anyone or anything else. In fact, Jenna was neutral about this. She just wanted me to be happy, and she sees that I am happy now.
I can’t expect you to accept me. And if you don’t want to talk to me for a while I understand. But I want you to know that I love you all, and I feel like I don’t say that enough. You are the best parents I could ask for.
I will be keeping my phone off for 2 days, and after that, you can call me or email me, or I can do the same. We can talk about this in greater detail then, if you choose to. But I just want you to think about this first, because I know it will be emotional for you.
I’m sorry if this seems rushed. But I know that if I take too long to write this I will change my mind about sending this letter again.
How do you even being to try to come out to your parents as transgender?
There’s no one answer for this. Everyone’s different, everyone’s parents are different, and everyone has a different relationship with their parents. This is just from my own experience and what I’ve heard from others:
Generally, though, I’ve found that trans people who come to their parents and say that they’re questioning their gender and want gender therapy have a better reaction from their parents. This process allows parents to be more involved in the process and they are able to see the process as gradual, medicalized and real.
I wrote my parents a letter. Definitely not the best way to come out, but my relationship with my parents is very distanced. I haven’t lived with them in a very long time and I’ve never really confided in them about anything. I’ll post a copy of the letter I wrote in the post following this one.
So it's summer and ofc that means, people go to the beach.
So I've been wondering; is it possible to swim in a compression shirt or bandage, or will the salt-water ruin it?
Hope you're well
Binders, like all clothes, wear out. It’s best to use an old binder for swimming. Make it your swimming/workout binder :)
I've been having trouble getting my confidence up.
I haven't been able to properly yet explain being transgender yet to my mom, but my friends, siblings, and family outside of the house that know have been really supportive.
However, I've spoken and met people that, thought go by opposite pronouns of their birth sex, but still show their actual sex. I've thought several times of taking it easy this way, but I was bashed down by others that if I had no intentions of dressing, acting, or getting surgery, and that I just enjoyed being known as a guy, I was asking too much and just kidding myself....
Am I really wrong?
Don’t feel that identifying as masculine or male means transitioning. Transition is a medicalized step, and in my opinion it is very much a last resort. It’s not THE option and it’s certainly not the FIRST option, it comes with a lot of risk attached (as does any long term medical treatment).
I know some people who identify as male, but have not transitioned and do not intend to. They pass, and some of them even have days where they choose not to pass. Gender fluidity is an amazing thing. You will have to accept, if you do not present as male, that people will question, mis-pronoun and mis-name you. You will have to explain yourself a lot. But as long as you can deal with that then there really isn’t an issue. And, as you probably already know, adjustment takes TIME. Be patient and persevere, and you may find that over time people catch on out of habit.
My question is rather hard for me to put into words....but I want to try.
I'm 'dating' a transgender female, who's significantly older than me; 9 years to be exact, and we're both okay with having each other.
The bad thing is, our parents, mainly his dad, and my mom, don't accept us being a couple. He doesn't want to tell his dad about me, since he thinks he'd get kicked out of his house.
Also, he kinda had an issue with intimacy. He doesn't mind me leaning on him, holding his hand, or hugging him, it's just when it comes to kissing, anywhere he doesn't like it,
I want to be closer to him, and I know he feels the same way. So I'm asking. What should I do? What can we do to be closer?
We both want our relationship to work, and so I'd like any advice you can give.
You can’t force him to change his feelings, just as you can’ force yourself to change your own. You both have a set of needs and preferences here that are at odds with each other. If you want this to work you will need to talk with him and come to a compromise.
I assume, by how you worded your message, that you’ve told your parents. He has yet to tell his parents because he is afraid of their reaction. If his safety within his household is at stake, that should be the priority. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t value the relationship, it just means that sometimes it is better to bite the bullet and stay safe rather than being thrust into a very terrible situation.
As for the intimacy aspect… again him not being comfortable with intimacy is not a reflection on his feelings toward you. At the same time, you have needs as well and believe me I know how tough it can be to try to negotiate a middle ground.
Communication (as always) is key here. Tell him how you feel about this. What you want to do with him and how you feel when he does (or doesn’t do) certain things. He should do the same right back at you. Don’t do this angrily, do this as a way to better understand each other’s mindsets. You can each resolve to do something that will make the other person feel more comfortable in the relationship.
Hey Twinfools, I'm trying to find a trans friendly family doctor for the endocrinologist's referral in Vancouver, BC. Can you introduce me to your family doctor? thanks =]
I see Dr. Townsend. She’s not my family doctor, but I was lucky enough to be referred to her through the Transgender Health Program run out of Three Bridges Clinic.
I know that at the moment she is very booked (I called in last week for an appointment and the first available slot is 2 weeks from now) so if you can’t get in with her I think I’d be worth it to talk to the Transgender Health Program at Three Bridges to see if they can direct you to another doctor.
Since actor Tom Hiddleston is over 6’5” and had worked closely with director Kenneth Branagh before, he figured he had as good a shot as anyone at the part. He actually made it to the final five auditionees, and was given six weeks to put on weight and add some muscle to his lean frame….
Hello!I have read that you were taking testosterone for about 11, or 12 months. As a physiologist,I can say that taking hormones is highly dangerous, they have bad effects on the liver, endocrine system, and also nervous system. So, weren't you afraid of future consequences when you used testosterone?
Yes, I am well aware of the negative and dangerous effects of hormone therapy. I had to decide whether or not the risks outweighed the benefits. And for me to live happily and fully transition was something I HAD to do. I tried living in different ways: as a masculine identified female, androgynous, third-gender, bi-gender, tomboy… none of that worked because, despite my own efforts, I could not change the fact that I am male.
Because I am taking hormones and my health is at great risk because of it I do my best to stay healthy. That’s all I can do :)
I know you've had chest surgery and I also plan to have chest surgery, but I'm not big on pain and this is making me uneasy, to put me at ease how sore did you feel after chest surgery?
It’s no easy ordeal, I will say that. However it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Anesthetic and pain meds pretty much dulled me for a good week, and after that I was sore/achey for 2 weeks. I don’t remember any pain except for getting drains out/moving the wrong way. Just lots of discomfort, especially when sleeping.
Modern medicine is amazing. Invest in a good/experienced surgeon and you’ll be just fine.
How do you deal with the comments you get from people?
I'm not transgendered, I just tend to dress androgynously, and I'm not big on make-up or anything that could be considered 'girly'. All the time I get comments from people asking if I'm lesbian, or asking if I dress like this because I'm uncomfortable with myself. I also get loads of people saying that I should do this and that and I should grow my hair out and its getting really annoying. What should I do?
Smile, nod and politely disagree. People can and will say and speculate as they please. But when it comes down to it if you’re happy with yourself then the argument kinda dies right there. If people ask, give them an inconclusive or a straightforward one:
"Are you a lesbian?" "I’m (insert your name here)"
"Are you a lesbian?" "Yes/no I am/am not."
As for questioning if your comfortable with yourself, tell people that you dress like this because you ARE comfortable with yourself.
Just our of curiosity, does, or did your birth name ever mean anything to you?
My name was given to me by may dad, and for many reasons, that makes it special to me. He was so happy to have been the one to name me. Although I love my name very much,and it's one of the things I would have trouble ever thinking to change, there is a name that comes to mind when ever I imagine who I feel I truly am.
My birth name didn’t mean much to me.
You can still keep your given name and move it to your middle name (particularly if it is unisex). If it’s clearly NOT unisex (like Katherine) then maybe you could shorten or change it to a more masculine or unisex version of that name (Katherine=Kit).
I've been wondering, if you could somehow change things and have been born with the right body instead of going through the process or transitioning,and growing into who you are today, would you do it?
Yes. Without question. Especially considering events of late where my fiancee’s parents stated that they really like me and that they would have no issues with our relationship had I been born male. Story of my life. I look back on high school life in particular and I realize how much I missed out on because I wasn’t able to be myself and be perceived as myself. I am grateful for what my experiences have given me, however I can’t help but feel jipped…
I think my parents suspect that I am gay just because I always have pictures of my favorite actresses on my binder. One of parents saw the pictures (The pictures aren't suggestive or anything like that), and asked if I like boys. I said "yes" and left the conversation at that. I also explained to my parents that just because I have pictures of my favorite actresses on my binder doesn't make me a homosexual. They seemed kind of skeptical about that. It was a really awkward moment. What should I do?
Nothing. You don’t have to prove your sexuality to anyone. If your parents are skeptical then that’s their issue, not yours. In time it will resolve itself when you start dating (or start dating to their knowledge).
If your parents really make it an issue then you could try explaining to them that attraction isn’t exclusively sexual. Look at all those teenage girl magazines with sexy photos of female celebrities in them. Likewise, look at all the men’s magazines with half-naked muscular male models in them. Also, they’re actresses, you you likley admire them based on their acting talent and persona’s I assume.
I really need some advice from someone older and smarter than me. This is different from what people normally ask you... I moved away from my best friend. And now I'm kinda dependent on her. At first shed call me little sister and tell me she loved me a lot and I'd call her big sister and stuff. She's stopped but I still call her my older sister and stuff. And I tell her I Love her every night.
But she gets irritated with me really easily. I try not to be dependent but it's hard for me. I mean shes everything to me. I'm just confused I guess. She never tells me how she feels. I kinda forget she's my best friend and treat her like my big sis a lot. And today I tried to tell her that I wanted us to go back to how we used to be, since we were more normal then. She told me to stop apologizing and "think more" whatever that means. I just don't know what to do! I dont know how to fix things with her or how to stop being so dependent. Any help you could give me would be oh so greatly appreciated.
Sometimes the nature of relationships change. This doesn’t mean that your friend loves you any less but it could mean that she needs some space, especially if she’s getting easily irritated with you. It’s like spending a week in a cabin with your friends. Everything starts out as sunshine and roses but by the end of the week everyone wants to stab each other with a steak knife. The only way to resolve and “reset” is to take some time and space to recuperate. Try turning your attention away from her a bit. Don’t ignore her, but try splitting your time with her with other friends and/or activities.
Unfortunately, you can’t go back in time. You can’t go back to the way it was, you can only move forward and adapt to change. This is what maturation is, and it’s a necessity for life. If things stayed the same, we’d all be stagnant, and stagnancy is toxicity.
Who knows, through giving your friend (and yourself) some space and taking in the change that is happening around you you may discover that you and your friend can be closer than ever as friends on the same level rather than little sister/big sister.
At home, the punishment for feminine behavior would become more severe. The therapists instructed Kirk’s parents to use poker chips as a system of rewards and punishments.
According to Rekers’ case study, blue chips were given for masculine behavior and would bring rewards, such as candy. But the red chips, given for effeminate behavior, resulted in “physical punishment by spanking from the father.”