I think I'm transgender, but my brother and his girlfriend say it may be because all of my friends are in the GSA and I just want to fit in. They say a transgender person wouldn't say "I think I might be a boy" or "I hate being a girl" but would say "I am a boy." They also say that other things were missing from my explanation, but I can’t remember what. Now I’m even more unsure so I was just wondering, were you unsure for a while or did you just know and maybe have a period of denial?
There is certainly no “checklist” of requirements in a person’s explanation of how they feel as your brother and his girlfriend seem to think.
You feel how you feel, as long as you are being honest with yourself then that’s the truth. Honesty with yourself is the important thing. Is “fitting in” influencing your decision? Maybe. I don’t know so I can’t say. Only you can say. Turn a critical eye on your situation, and if you come out not knowing then don’t sweat it. It’s ok to be unsure. I will say that I knew very few definitive details about myself in school, whatever I was unsure of developed and became clearer over time. To this day there are MANY things that I am unsure of.
Try it out. Try out MANY things. If you feel like wearing guy’s jeans, go for it. If you feel like wearing a skirt, god for it. Wanna learn tap dancing? Try your hand at playing guitar? Why not?
Try it out. I tried out numerous gender identifications: third-gender, androgynous, bi-gender, tomboy… and I think it was that experience that lead me to KNOW that I am male. I knew what I WASN’T, and through that I could clearly see what I was. Does that make sense?
Hey Lucas! I just want to say, chest binding hurts so much for me, what can I do to cope with that?
How are you binding? If you’re using ace bandage or duct tape for everyday binding, it might be a good idea to try something else. Instead use a sports bra and try to get your hands on a chest binder from a site like Underworks or T-Kingdom.
If you are using a binder, what size is it? Your binder may be too small.
Also, are you using a bra-style binder? Those can cause a lot of pressure on the ribs in some people (like myself) so it might be worth it to try out a shirt-style binder.
Also, utilize your clothing. You can use sweatshirts or baggier clothes/layers of clothes (think a t-shirt with a flannel shirt overtop).
Hi Lucas! So, I have a quick question, I know you probably get about 100 a day and you can't answer them all but if you get the chance, my mom is very judgmental on people, and when I try to tell her about my friend who is transgender (I have two friends that are) because she still refers to him as "she" or "her" and she says that people don't know their sexuality or gender till their older and like i said before is judgemental, how do I explain to her and get her to stop?
It can be very hard to change a person’s opinion, what you can do is reason with your mother to change her presentation of her opinions. Explain that, whether or not she beleives what your friend is doing is right or not, the facts are as stated:
1) It hurts your friend when your mother refers to him as “she”. It is not respectable to continue a hurtful behaviour toward any individual.
2) Your friend is not her child. She has no agency over what he does. Her responsibility is one of social amiability, not parental guidance or punishment.
3) If people don’t know their gender or sexuality till they’re older, whether or not that’s true, it can do no harm if she respects your friend’s pronouns and/or name now if they will just “discover” their gender/sexuality later in life anyway.
Stress that she doesn’t have to accept transgender people, but for the sake of behaving politely and respectfully she can at the very least be tolerant enough to use a different set of pronouns/name. Liken it to being polite to the neighbours that you hate. You put on a smile, suck it up, and get through the limited social interaction because being rude and hurtful makes an ass of both parties.
My opinion is to explain it in your own terms first, avoiding terminology that they might not be familiar with (dysphoria, transsexual etc.).
You can then move to a more medicalized explanation, perhaps even citing articles, doctors etc. to support the fact that this is a REAL thing. If your show that you’ve done extensive research, it may help your parents to understand that this is not just an abstract reality concocted in teenage-dom.
If they don’t understand, offer to help them learn more. If they reject it, give them time. Remember that their first reaction is likely not their final reaction. Be patient with them, remembering that although this is something you have exposure to they did not grow up with the same exposure.
I can’t really offer you a concise definition, since being trans is a different experience for many people and covers a wide range of identities. For me it’s a medical condition in which my brain and identity were mis-aligned from my hormones, chromosomes and genitalia. For others being transgender is having the gender identity of the opposite sex, for others transgender in and of itself is a gender identity so on and so forth.
Do you think about adopting a child? If you do, what would you do if your kid were gender nonconforming? Do you think people would blame you for that? Or judge you?
I honestly think that once the next generation moves into power equality and gender politics will take a huge step forward. When I look at the attitudes of my peers I see a LGBTQ positive consensus that is vastly different from that of my parents and their peers.
I don’t say that to mean that “old people are anti-LGBTQ”, what I mean is that we have grown up with very different ideas than our parents. We are a very socially aware generation, and I see the norm moving towards questioning the “norm” and “tradition” as opposed to upholding them.
That aside, adoption is something we’ve considered in terms of having a child. There are many other forms that we have considered as well, adoption is not the only option for couples who cannot reproduce.
I’ll raise my kid as a kid. If my kid is gender-nonconforming, that’s fine. If my child is a super-feminine girl, that’s fine with me. If my child is gay, that’s fine with me. So on and so forth. I’m educated enough to know that these things are a) none of my business b) out of my control and c) will not negatively impact my child unless I let them. Not to mention I’m an LGBTQ ally and part of that spectrum as well XD
I really don’t see too many people judging me for that… and that’s why I posted the little blurb at the beginning of this response. I honestly think that as the new generation moves into power the bigoted opinion will gradually fade into the minority.
And even if this doesn’t happen, I refuse to let public opinion hurt my child’s ability to be themselves.
It’s like the tabloid’s obsession with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s hair… yes she has a boy hair cut… get the fuck over it.
Sec 5.2(1)(c) of the ID screening regs of Aeronautics Act: “An air carrier shall not transport a passenger if the passenger does not appear to be of the gender indicated on the identification he or she presents.”
What in the actual fuck. That doesn’t make any sense. Mega-discrimination. “Appear” is completely subjective!
What the fuck. Panic attack. Does this mean I can’t fly to Florida for my top surgery any more?
Fellow Canadians, do you have any insight on this?
Come on non-Canadian people, please signal boost this for your Canadian friends.
For the love of god help us.
Not Canadian but signal boost.
Jesus fucking christ. “Hey I know! Let’s make sharing and caring really difficult for the people under us so they spend less time being happy and more time wasting their days away working in misery, while still taking their money.” Because I don’t already pay for cable but miss all my shows due to school/work. Right. Logic.
I'm not here to ask advice, but I just feel the need to tell you how AWESOME you are. You've graciously helped everyone that's asked, but you also are a complete inspiration to anyone looking to be themselves. Without any sort of direct contact, you helped me come to terms and realize my pansexuality AND get me into cosplaying. So, thank you. You're honestly hugely inspiring and the amazing sort of person that everyone should have around. You're a complete badass, Twin, not to mention hilarious.
I’m glad that I could be of help :) Sorry about the cosplay thing, though… I indirectly am going to cause you to spend a lot of money (expensive hobby!) XD
hi Lucas. i dont really know how to start, i guess i can say ive been a long time fan of you and your cosplay. ill be frank and say i find you a huge inspiration and im semi jealous of your ability to transition so well. im a girl cis and i have all of these feminine qualities but lately ive questioned all of it. i feel more genderqueer (possibly more) but idk how to interpret my feelings, especially since im short and curvy and would have trouble passing. would you mind giving me some advice?
Well, if you feel genderqueer, then what should it matter what your body looks like? Your body doesn’t denote your identity, otherwise I’d be a woman XD
My advice is to drop the labels and focus on your “self”. Live how you feel and don’t “try” to be anything. See where this takes you. Figure out who you are then figure out a label that suits you, don’t formulate your “self” to a label. The body is an enormously fluid thing, don’t feel like your self expression is limited by it :)
I really didn't like the newest pokemo channel. It wasn't as funny or entertaining as the others. Psyduck (aka you) was the only reason I kept watching. But talking about tits and all that just didn't cut it for me at all. =_____=
I have a comic where a main character is pre-T FTM, and recently had top surgery. If you feel uncomfortable me asking that's ok but could you maybe post reference shots of your chest for study (Like shots of your chest when you're relaxed, when your arm is up, from the side, etc.) so people like me can kind of see how it all fits, since post-op chests look different then normal male chests. I as well as many people would appreciate it. :)
I wouldn’t say that post-op chests look different from “normal male chests” though. I know you didn’t mean it that way but it kind of devalues the FTM chest. All male chests are different, as are bodies. Even if you look at the chests of celebrities pectoral muscles, breastbones, nipples size/shape/place are always different. Again, I know you had no intention of coming off that way, I just wanted to share my opinion on that :) A healing FTM chest definitely does look different because things aren’t set yet and they often require scar healing or revisionary surgeries etc. (like my chest) so I understand what you mean from that respect entirely.
Why hasn't Courtney been in your videos as often as she used to be?
She’s very busy with school and life. We all used to hang out every weekend all weekend… now we’ve all become involved in the world of adult responsibility. I myself get finished with a week of 5am wakeups for school and 10pm arrivals home from work and all I want to do all weekend is lounge in bed and play videos games.
First off, thank you for being so helpful with everyone. Second, FTM, girlfriend just won't accept my male pronouns or name change. I love her, but she's making things very difficult for me. Also, I doubt with my problems (OCD, trans*, submissive) anyone else would wanna date me. I've tried talking to her but nothing will work. What do?
Have you sat your gf down and had a serious conversation about this? I mean, if you’re FTM and if she will not accept your transition then you really have to consider that the relationship cannot function with such a rift between you two. Tell her that this is your identity, and if she can’t respect your identity then she really isn’t in a relationship with YOU. If she maintains that she cannot accept your transition (some people can’t and won’t, and that’s their prerogative) then it might be time to discuss seeing other people. Love is only one part of a relationship, you have to consider functionality as well.
And don’t ever think “no one will ever date me”. Don’t let yourself stay in a relationship out of fear. I myself have some OCD going on, I’m trans… we all have our issues, and issues don’t make someone undesirable. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that they would be “alone forever” after breaking up with their partner and then went on to date a person who was much better for them within 6 months… well I’d be friking rich XD. If it doesn’t work out then it wasn’t meant to be.
Genderqueer, prefer male pronouns, biologically female, lesbian. But I am TERRIFIED of being with a normal gay girl... I'm incredibly uncomfortable about heterosexuality, and I'm a sub, and being with a normal girl I know the assumptions that would be made. I want to be with a girl that also prefers male pronouns, is this disgustingly weird?
Hello Anon :)
You know what you want. Your preferences might be unusual, but “disgusting” and “weird” are certainly not terms I think you should apply to how you feel. In fact I really don’t think that your preferances are that unusual. I know at least one masculine identified lesbian who is into other masculine identified lesbian (if I may be so bold as to make a comparison between your gender identity/sexuality and another person’s… I’m not saying that you are a masculine identified lesbian, I’m just speculating that it might be similar).
If you look in-depth at anyone’s sexuality you’ll find that most people have “types” that they look for in a partner or in a relationship. For example: a straight man who wants to be with a dominant, older woman who is into BDSM. Or being a girl who’s into other girls who partake in 1960’s retro fashion. Or a gay man who prefers blondes. It’s all comparable.